• I really don’t know

    by  • February 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Dear A,

    I can’t help but wonder will we ever be okay again. Our grad night together was so special. The hours of talking, hugging and the eventual goodbye. For the first time that summer, since the last day of our exams together, I was happy. That night, I was ecstatic. It was just, I’d never thought you felt any of those emotions.

    I know I meant to be the boy in this relationship and charecterise the stereotypical quietness and withdrawal of any hint of emotions, which in general I am. But not with you. There is something so welcoming and familiar about you that I cannot help to feel safe beside you. I only hope I’ve allowed the same security to be felt by you.

    It’s kind of sad though. We are now, almost a year since Grad night, and out of all the promises and pacts we made that night, 100% of them have not been completed, and a great majority of them have been broken, mostly by you. This came as no surprise to me though. You were never mature enough to just for lack of better words “keep it in your pants”. But, despite this, I couldn’t love you more.

    I will wait and wait perpetually for you because I know when it boils dowwn to it, only you can make me happy. You’ve been the soundtrack to my life for three and a half years. The movie on rewind in my brain, and the presence in my arms for all of this. I will never know love like that of what I had for you, and by luck if I do find this love again, I pray it is with you.

    You however, will never read this. You will always remain oblivious of the fact that although our relationship ended, for me, the love didn’t. Soon, I hope, I will get over you. I fear I could become a Snape-like figure should I continue to dwell on our past.

    Hopefully it won’t remain in the past…
    D x

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