• I need to tell someone —

    by  • February 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Self-Esteem • 2 Comments

    I just ate an entire large pizza. I just threw up. I feel fat and disgusting and weak and guilty and incredibly sad and scared. I’m scared I’ll never lose weight, I’m scared I’ll forever have no willpower. I know throwing up was bad. This is the first time I’ve ever really tried. I’m also scared because I feel like a failure because I couldn’t even throw up properly, barely anything came out.

    I’m 5’6″ and almost 150 pounds. A year ago I was 124. A few months ago I was at 135.

    If I had one wish right now, I’d wish to be skinny.

    Note to self — Stop being stupid. Never eat a whole large pizza again.

    P.S. I forgive you as long as you really don’t do it again.

    2 Responses to I need to tell someone —

    1. K
      February 7, 2012 at 7:30 pm

      Coming from someone who became a pro at this after experimentation with binging/purging, I promise you, this path is not one you wanna go one. Because once you start, it’s like an addiction…you constantly think about it and have to fight your urges to keep yourself from doing it. It’s so much harder to deal with an eating disorder and the consequences of it that last a lifetime than it is to try to lose weight in the healthiest way possible.

      And you’re beautiful as you are. I’m sure of it. Don’t let society , a man (or boy), women around you, or the media tell you otherwise. Push through. You’re worth so much more than this. <3

    2. .
      February 7, 2012 at 7:32 pm

      Whenever I think about hurting myself, I think about this quote:

      “The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason you held on for so long.”

      I don’t know if it helps, but you know that making yourself throw up isn’t healthy. If you can, think about this quote and stay strong; remember why you’ve stayed strong for so long.

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