• You hurt me…big time

    by  • February 6, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 10 Comments

    I wish you could care about me the way i do, I really do. Do you have any idea what I would do for you? Anything. Chances are if you asked me to jump I’d ask how high. I can’t keep feeling like this though, it hurts. Thinking about you hurts because over the last month or two I have come to the realization you will never feel the same- you just don’t. I can’t blame you, I’m sure you have plenty of reasons why….but I still miss you- not by choice believe me. I want to be over you, I really do. I have wanted to be for so long now and it’s just killing me. I don’t want to think about you before I fall asleep, I don’t want to remember the talks we used to have, I don’t want any of it anymore. I want someone to just take it all away so maybe there would be a small chance I could forget you and move on. I’m sure you know what it is like to want to be with someone so badly but you mean so little to them or they don’t feel the same way. Can you imagine feeling that for years? It’s almost driven me mad, fuck it- it’s made me so depressed and feel so worthless……still does. I’m trying so hard not to be selfish about this whole thing. Who knows, you might have met someone else- that’d kill me a little more inside but if that’s the case I hope she appreciates you as much as I do and more.I hope she makes you happy, and supports your ideas and your goals- just like how I would if you would have just opened up to me more and maybe let me be a part of your world. But you didn’t, and I’m not a part of your life I guess. Maybe you want it that way? I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I know i have made some bad mistakes- ok, horrible ones. I know I can be clingy, self-centered, and just plain stupid sometimes. But when I would be around you, I wanted to be my best and I felt more at home than I ever did. This brings me back to the whole retarded, unfair, unobtainable love thing. I do, i really do love you. I love the sound of your voice, your laugh, I love hearing your thoughts on certain conflicts, I love how strong you are. You would think that since maybe I feel like this then I most likely regret my last visit to Maryland. I don’t, not at all. Sure, it’s made things all that more difficult to deal with and I’m still left with a lot of questions but I’m glad I got to be with you those few nights. For so long I wanted just one night to be with you and be happy and I got three. I felt like the the luckiest person in whole goddamn world. I think there’s a good chance I will always think about you one way or another. I’ve tried blocking you out, but I know now that it won’t work. I just hope time heals faster than it usually does and I won’t have to feel so lonely and broken anymore. I really want you to be happy, I really do. I’d just prefer it to be with me, but people in hell want ice water too…I know you’ll be amazing, and happy, and successful someday and I can’t wait to hear about it.
    Still your friend if you want me to be,

    10 Responses to You hurt me…big time

    1. K
      February 6, 2012 at 8:27 pm

      From someone who’s been exactly where you are:

      It does get easier, but you’re right, it never goes away. Just know that there’s a reason it didn’t work out that you will both only understand in time. Just be patient and hold your held high. <3

    2. not so funny
      April 16, 2015 at 3:44 am

      How this letter pops up time and again.

    3. unknownML
      May 14, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      I can relate so much with this. Finally, someone who knows a little bit of what I’ve delt with and went through. Thank you so much for posting this. It makes me feel so much better about the situation I am in.

    4. yep
      June 4, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Keep wallowing in your self pity.

    5. Loki Sagittarius
      July 7, 2015 at 6:40 pm

      Look at the brighter side instead of the pain. Now you are just a single step closer to finding the one for you. Everyone, without exception, (even you) will heal with time. I realize that it does not feel like it right now but everything will eventually, given enough time, heal.

      Try little things. Distract yourself with books, ice cream, or video games / YouTube. Try not to think about it. Anything to distract yourself and take up time that you would usually spend thinking about it. I think that you’ll find that the less time you have to think about it the better you will feel.

    6. YES
      November 10, 2015 at 10:07 am

      I have met others over the years “someone else-” you could say but I still want you to be my friend

    7. sharon
      May 10, 2016 at 2:04 pm

      Going through the same pain! I thought I was the only one but that motivates me…….my boyfriend broke up with me. Come to think of it, it hurts me coz I don’t get it why! I ended up apologizing and he never give me a reason why he dumped me. He just said he wanna focus on himself and that he’s going through some things! I love him and can’t stop thinking of him

      • A. (@unspoken_word_s)
        March 20, 2017 at 8:14 am

        He doesn’t deserve your love. Leaving without an explanation definitely means he never knew how worthy you are. I know love is unstoppable but one day and I hope that day has come already you will not love him anymore. Because loving him is like loving a machine.

      • Carlos
        August 13, 2017 at 10:40 am

        WOW ! I am going through that right now. It has only been 5 years since my GF and I have been together, but we (I thought) were happy. Until she comes out from left field with the thought that being Single is what she wants. (after a Lap Band surgery) .

    8. nerrissa
      September 5, 2016 at 10:36 pm

      you cant be friends with him if he caused you that pain dear.

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