I’ve typed and deleted so many of these silly letters in hopes that one day I’d find the magical words that’d keep you in my life again, but I can’t. For once, I am at a lost for words. No words can capture everything that I’m feeling and everything I want to say.
I don’t want to guilt trip you, or bring up nostalgic moments of our past. I just want to thank you. For so long I’ve always wanted this closure from you, it was an obsession to me, it was as though if you never gave me closure, there was still this TEENSY BIT of hope that maybe someday we’d be friends again, or maybe more. And I don’t know, I think now I realize that if we were to say goodbye to each other that that would be the biggest mistake of our lives. I don’t want to presume things, but regardless of our past, future and present our friendship was nothing short of greatness. We just clicked and even if you won’t say it, I consider you one of my best friends. I know I’ve said this a MILLION times, but you do mean a lot to me, you were my first legitimate love and you were the only guy to this day that I could be myself around, someone who challenged me, made me smile and at the end of the day no matter where we were or no matter what was happening, all I wanted to do was talk or be with you. For so long all I’ve wanted to do was just to fall asleep in your arms while watching Goodfella’s or some NBA game. I didn’t care that there was no promise of tomorrow, all I wanted, well want, is to just experience that for once. I know this letter is making it seem that I do want us to get back together, and I’m sorry but maybe you were right all along, maybe I did fall for you again. Trust me, I’ve tried to move on. I’ve “dated” other guys, hooked up with a few -but could never go THAT far with them, and I’ve just tried to keep you out. But maybe it’s just me being a girl but you’re EVERYWHERE. Which ever the case, clearly my heart or head is trying to tell the other something.
But if you do wish to continue to well, forget me, then who am I to object. I realize and accept the mistakes of our past and I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me. And when you do, I hope you can accept my thank you. You’ve dealt with me at my highest and at my lowest points, you’ve made me smile on days I forget what laughter is, you’ve survived my dreaded Papa, and even if this is the last of us, I cherish every moment and every hurdle we’ve had.
When I was 17 I met you, at 19 I don’t know how I can live without you.