Everyone knows. Somehow everyone knows but you. The person that means the absolute world to me, daily takes my breath away, and brings a smile to my face doesn’t know.
We grew up together, unknowingly. A year older than I, even then, four years ago, you knew all the right things to say. Everyday I couldn’t wait to go to school to see you second period for that hug that followed daily for two years. Each day we got closer and yet each day we got farther apart. We dated different people even though every one was waiting for the day when we got together. I never wanted anyone else. The only reason I even looked is because you found someone else and I needed a distraction. You fell in love with a girl that still to this day breaks your heart. And everyday I’m still in love with the boy that breaks mine; you.
The bond we have is so incredibly strong. You made all my boyfriends jealous because no one could take your spot in your heart. They knew. They all knew we were more than “just friends” as I would like to say but I would never admit to them that. Nor could I admit it to you. I kept how I felt bottled up inside because I cared too much about our friendship to risk it because I’d rather have you in my life as a best friend than not in my life at all.
My time came when your girlfriend was away. We had our traditional movie marathon but this time was different. This time we sat closer. This time I saw the look in your eye I knew so well because that’s how I looked at you for all these years hoping you would notice. You kissed me that night during my favorite scene from my favorite movie. I felt like I was in a movie. It was so perfect and everything I had hoped it would be. The only complaint I have from that night and the nights we spent together that followed is that it gave me hope. For a second I let myself believe that maybe you actually felt the same way.
I always tell you how I feel, especially when I feel like I’m not good enough. And each time I do, I hope you tell me that I am good enough. But that isn’t good enough for me. I don’t want you to tell me that I’m good enough. I want you to tell me I’m good enough for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. The thing is, even though you’re the person I love the most, you’re the one who makes me feel not good enough. You always think it is because of someone else but it’s because of you. It has always been you. No one could even remotely compare to you.
I wish I’d learn from my mistakes. I wish I could go back to that night where everything was perfect. I wish every time I told you how I felt you would take me seriously. But what I wish most of all is that you felt the same way I do.