I really try hard not to embarrass you. Until recently, I wasn’t even aware that my behavior was “abnormal” — really, I was just having a little fun.
Now I know, and I can’t stop thinking about it. All this shit makes so much more sense now — why you are hesitant to speak to me, why you roll your eyes at things that I might find perfectly valid. I suppose these are the things that are, in reality, unacceptable to ask a person. Wish I’d known.
Certain people have told me that my behavior pushes you away. I’m sorry (I mean it this time, for once). I don’t want to lose your friendship, I really don’t, but it’s so difficult to stop doing the ‘wrong’ thing when you never knew it was wrong. I don’t mean to enstrange you…
You probably look at me and ask yourself, “Why do I talk to this annoying, ridiculous little girl?” Can’t answer that one for you. You might also ask, “Does she know how silly and stupid she acts?” Yes, I am now painfully aware of it. I’ve been this way for so long — for life? — that normal social interaction is a foreign concept to me. I try to not say awkward things, but it seems the harder I try, the more conversations I end and the more weird glances I get.
Thank you for tolerating my behavior. Got word that it’s been bothering you for a while. I never knew.
This letter is a bit hazy, but mainly, I want you to know that I value your friendship considerably and want to stop any behaviors that could endanger that friendship.
Good night. I’ll watch the skies.