• No surprises, please.

    by  • February 5, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    I want everything in the world that I can’t have. Especially a person I only met one time and would do anything to spend more than a few minutes with. But I’m just another person who adores them.
    I have to get up entirely too early for school tomorrow, and the thought of it alone pains me.
    I’m tired. Not the kind of tired sleep can fix.
    Everyone depends on me to fix their problems, hell… I depend on myself to fix their problems. I have no time left over to work on myself.
    I had a mental breakdown last month… And no amount of my friends telling me how wonderful I am could help. My mind wasn’t even with me.
    My mind is all I have to offer. I’m so scared of losing it again.
    And I need to get my former out of my mind too. I cry too much, but four years can do that to you.
    No one seems to think anything is as important as I think it is.
    I can’t let anything go. I’m a sentimental mess.
    Im horrible at school. People are the most important thing to me in every aspect, therefore my grades suffer.
    I’m haunted by so many things.
    Everyone expects me to be okay because I’m the fixer. The strong one. The confident one.
    I’m glad I can successfully give off an illusion, at least.
    And he who I wish to be with is the greatest treasure I’ve ever found. He’s in love with someone else. I wish he knew me on that level and wanted me with him until he dies.
    But alas, Im just an empty failure in this moment. At least in my own opinion.
    I wish I could tell him everything he has done for me. I hope we will be together one day… More than anything.
    Here’s to the future. May it be much, much better than today.

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