In high school, I waited for the drama to start. But I’ve never encountered it there, maybe cause I was quiet, maybe because I kept my mouth shut, maybe because I didn’t let myself get involved with things.
Now, I’m in my last year of college, & every year since, I’ve been encountering some kind of drama. I know its mostly my fault, cause I’m not the me I was in highschool, but I didn’t think that my best friend here would turn against me so many times.
Year 1: I was quiet, innocent, and somewhat happy the way I was. Me & my best friend met, we were close, like most girls are when their bffs. One night while drinking with some other ppl, one chick that don’t really know me, told my friend that I was a lesbian. She had my back on this one, she knows I’m not, and she stood up for me.
The first year, I changed, quickly. I was this average, chubby girl who didn’t know how to use make up, who didn’t drink or smoke anything. At the end, I drank, I kissed more guys then I know their names, I smoke while drinking, I began using makeup.
I thought this would be nothing, I didn’t possibly think that more drama would come.
Year 2: More students come, my bff found a bf out of them. I didn’t mind that we drifted apart, she’s so happy with him. He drinks a lot though, and then attempts stupid things. I always take care of them both, cause I want them to be happy. One night after drinking, she was saying he’s a bad bf, then I said “no, he’s a good guy”. She said “you want him for yourself don’t you? “. I was shocked. I said “no, he’s like a damn brother to me, thats just gross.” I went to bed, & we never talked of it again. But nonetheless, I was surprised that she thought I wanted her bf. Yeah, we joke, and talk but that means shit all.
I thought it was over. No more drama, everything will be fine.
Year 3: I’m still in my third year, everything was fine before xmas. But a new bff told the guy that I’ve been seeing to not screw up his life, he looked at me. I tried to make sure that he was okay, he punched a hole in the wall next to my face & took off.
We talk about my other friend’s bf. Why he don’t drink anymore, how he used act & such. I never told anyone about how he used try beat her, I just tell them that used to try make out with me couple times but I stopped him. I’ve never said it around them two, but they know somehow. Today, he confronted me, he said ” you know I don’t like you more then a friend right?” I wanted to scoff & laugh. But I just made this confused look & said ” yeah, you know I don’t like you more then a friend too right?” he said “yeah, okay i just wanted to clear that up.” I laughed “why do you ask that?” he said ” i heard you bring up that i used to try do something stupid when i was drunk” . I said ” yeah, but i still don’t think of you like that.”
Then I left.
I check fb, my bff is online. We talk about it. Apparently, I ‘always’ mention it. Which is so not fucking true, and then I apologize for it sounding like that, cause I won’t ever think of him like that. She says that we’re good now, but I know that she thinks other wise.
I’m a bad friend now, I wear make up, drink & I don’t make out with a bunch of guys anymore. I don’t even get out anymore.
I’m a “slut, alcoholic and bad friend” . I’m the bad friend? Cause I never mentioned that one detail to her? At least I didn’t call her a slut & an alcoholic.
Yes, she’s my bff, and she can be a great one, but for my own sake, I’m not gonna fight with her about her bf anymore, when I saved her from him many times, and when I can’t even imagine him more than just a friend.
I’ll try to keep us as friends as long as we’re still here, but after that, no more will I fight to keep a friendship with someone who gets so jealous of how I’m also friends with her bf.
I know it’s partly my fault too, cause I don’t keep my mouth shut, but fuck this.