Click here for a letter.Sometimes I think I don’t want to be here and I don’t know what I mean by here and that scares the shit out of me. I think I’m not real, I just assimilate myself to be whatever will get me what I want or where I need to be but then after I just feel hollow. I think I fuck everything up and that my life is going to be the most epic fail yet. I think I’m a grenade in the sense that I am going to go off and anyone that attaches themselves to me will get caught in the cross fire. I think I’m a selfish bitch.
I think I want to just tell them this but whenever I get close to being able to they push me away. I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE THIS. THAT THIS IS THE RED THREAD THAT RUNS THROUGH MY HEAD ALL THE TIME. My parents think I fake this is maybe I do, maybe this is just something I created to give me a reason to be mad all time. I DON’T KNOW. I just don’t want to be me.
i know how you feel… its the worst. i’m still trying to figure out what could possibly change it, if anything. every time something goes right and i think the feeling will go away, it lasts no more than a week and everything’s back to shit because i get screwed over in one way or another. it makes no sense. when i was younger i used to feel like “i want to go home,” but a lot of the time it was when i WAS home… i couldn’t figure out what i really meant, i get it now, but i just need to know how to get it to go away.