I’m so sorry. I wish I could get a redo on the last 14 years to prove to you that I really love you. That damn old cliche is so true: you never know what you have until it’s gone. I can’t picture my future without you in it! It kills me to have to look at our gorgeous children and know that they will soon learn that you’re gone. Will they blame me? I do. I’ve made so many mistakes, but you’re not perfect either. What happened to in good times and in bad? For richer for poorer? I wish there was a course you could take on how to be the perfect wife. I wish I knew how to be your everything. But then you say you can’t be MY everything. I don’t think I can bear this. I miss you so much! Am I just being dumb? Is it just you always want what you can’t have? I don’t know. All I know is that my heart is broken. I don’t remember feeling this badly ever! I’m trying to slowly put away stuff that reminds me of you. IT’s too painful to look at it. I don’t want the kids to see me lose it for no reason. I try not to let them see anything, but I think nosey noserton is onto me. She’s just too smart. She’s trying to help me so much, which just makes me feel even worse. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and this will all have been just a horrible nightmare. But I can pinch myself over and over. All it does is leave a little bruise. What can I do? I can’t raise the kids by myself. I mean, I can, but I Don’t WANT TO!!! I want you to realize what a mistake this has been! I want you to show up at the door and beg me to forgive you! I’d do it in a heartbeat! Things wouldn’t be perfect, but what is? That’s what working together in marriage is for. I can’t. I just can’t take it anymore! Oh GOD, please help me! It hurts so bad! I will love you forever. no matter what.