• thanks for letting me watch

    by  • February 2, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, The Ex • 2 Comments

    find someone just like me and drink your feelings down to nothing, because you know deep down in your heart that you made the wrong choice. be the best at what you do, but just know that for every person you touch with the way you feel you get that much further away from me. i’ve never left you, but you made your bed. now sleep in it with her and leave me alone for good. can you do that for me, maybe swallow your pride and with each sip erase a little bit more of me from your life? if i sound angry just realize it’s just because it hurts to watch you drive those nails into my dreams like you really believe i can’t feel anything. this is proof that i care, but i need to find a new type of “love”, one that won’t hurt me in exchange for personal gain. you’re welcome, by the way, for whatever it is you thanked me for. i don’t need to know your reasons.

    2 Responses to thanks for letting me watch

    1. watch this cuz it might be all i got
      February 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

      …you know deep down in your heart that you made the wrong choice. be the best at what you do without tearing me down. know that for every person that you inappropriately touch with the way you feel you get that much further away from me. you made your bed. i’ve never left you, don’t want to but you might as well just shoot me in the head. can you do this for me, maybe swallow your pride? replace your old destructive ways with what you know you must inevitably do anyway? that is if you plan on actually living. Ever. if I sound angry just realize it’s just because it hurts to watch you repeatedly drive those nails into me like you really believe i can’t feel anything. nails that aren’t even clean but rather dripping fresh with your blood from being pulled straight out of you first. this is proof that i care, but we need to find A NEW WAY. you’re welcome, by the way. made my day getting that ‘thank you’ BY THE WAY and i don’t appreciate one bit it being twisted into some kinda sick….something it wasn’t.

    2. author
      February 3, 2012 at 12:58 am

      i’ve made plenty of mistakes, but i’m working hard on getting everything in my life in order. for the first time, ever, i’m shouldering the weight of not just my own world and the burdens of a good number of dreams and nightmares that are thrown my way. i haven’t touched or been touched in any way for longer than you even deserve to know, though God knows i deserve to be loved for once the RIGHT WAY, so reconsider your assumptions before you state them as facts. if i’m getting further away it’s because i’m learning how to shut everything out completely, while still maintaining enough self-control to sort out the many major problems life has conveniently seen fit to bring to my doorstep. i’ve made my peace with being alive and living, and i’ll love every breath until the end. i’m walking a thin line every day and every night, and doubts and accusations can’t help me balance what i want to do and what i know i need to do. i’ve been questioned endlessly by the one person who claims to believe in me, but i don’t have time or energy left for questions and neither does he. truth is, we’ve both let the situation spiral out of control and i’m starting to understand that if life is ever going to be the way it’s supposed to be for us we BOTH need to work together instead of against each other. starting now. or the past is just dead weight that i know i can live without. i have no regrets, i’ve made my promises and kept them regardless of what happens.

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