Dear saftey blanket,
We’ve been playing this game for 5 years now and it’s high time it comes to an end before I hurt you once again. You’re in over your head and you dont understand this. You dont understand me. You think you have all the answers, but you’re wrong. -I’m- Not the answer for the questions swirling about in your head. You’re digging yourself deeper into this mess I call my life. I realized today that I never did really love you like you love me. You will never understand how much it hurts me to say this. But I realized how much i’m hurting you, and I cant do it anymore. For 5 years now, you’ve always been there to pick me up and brush me off whenever I fell down. You watched me get trampled on by all the wrong men, watched my heart break, and every time -you- would be there to put my heart back together. You gave me love, you built my confidence back up, you put a smile on my face and I gently set you down on the back burner just as I always have. You set there safely for the next time I fell down and needed someone to pick me up. And you were, it was you. Always you. And yet somehow I just cant love you like you love me. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I gave my heart to you, but the truth is, HE still has it. And he has a tight grip on it. He’s not letting go, and truth be told, I’m so sure I want him too. I’m in love with a monster who has broken me beyond repair. I’ve been taking you for granted, you’ve just been sitting there waiting for me to need you again. I -do- love you, just not the way you want me to. Not the way I love him. You dont set a fire in my heart, you dont awaken my soul, you dont send shocks straight through me as he does. I wish I could make myself be just as in love with you as you are with me. You’re the greatest man I’ve ever met. You’re the good guy in my story, I feel as though I’m -supposed- to be with you. But I cant force it, no matter how hard I try, it’s just not the same. Maybe someday i’ll be able to give you what you deserve. But I cant keep hurting you….