• crazy crazy fool

    by  • February 2, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Disappointment • 0 Comments

    i’m feeling more and more disconnected from reality…
    i don’t know what’s causing it, i don’t know what’s making it worse.

    for as long as i can remember i’ve always been a bit (or more than a bit) off, but for a while now it seems like the world and my life are becoming less and less familiar to me and i’m becoming less certain of what’s going on and what’s not. My dreams have become so incredibly vivid that it’s often hard to tell the difference between them and reality. i’ve got a history of night-terrors and some of the dreams feel like that, but others just feel even still different from those. I’ve been having things happen in my dreams that i think happen in real life until something comes along to prove me wrong, they are so convincing and so confusing. in addition to that, not knowing if i have actually had certain interactions with a person makes it hard to figure out if acting on my natural feelings is a good idea. right now i’m just trying to keep a level head and keep the best attitude i can towards people, but i’m nervous because i’ve had some friendships go off kilter when i didn’t catch myself acting towards someone in a negative way because of my dreams. Maybe it has something to do with whatever is going on medically with me, but it wouldn’t really solve anything because the doctors can’t even find out whats wrong there. Maybe the mystery of that is pushing me a little more over the edge and making the disconnection worse? it sort of makes sense, but maybe i’m just looking for excuses to ease my mind…

    I just want my life back.

    motha ‘ucka.

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