• And my little pink heart

    by  • February 2, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    I always used to tell myself I wouldn’t let myself get hurt, I would put up these walls and keep everything and everyone out of my life.
    I always told myself I wouldn’t get into an abusive relationship, I always told myself i’d do better than my mom did.

    I told myself i wouldn’t cut myself,
    I told myself I wouldn’t pop pills,
    I told myself I wouldn’t smoke weed,
    I told myself I wouldn’t try to kill myself.

    I told myself I would forget about what happened when I was younger, I told myself I wouldn’t think of the night I was raped.

    I tried so hard to keep everything so hidden

    My thoughts are grey, everything is grey, but I like it, it keeps everything even and calm.

    I never had calm in my life.

    I had hits and punches and threats.

    I had life that grew inside of me
    I had life taken away from me,
    I had life.

    I had pain
    I have pain
    I don’t know how to think clearly most days
    Everything I do I long for him, for us, for what I once thought was true.

    Everything is tearing me apart.

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