• Dear Old Me,

    by  • February 1, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 0 Comments

    Dear old me,

    I remember you. And sometimes I see the world from your eyes again, like how people are people, and our clever mind and adorableness can confuse them. I remember you, we used to like running, and swinging, and just about anything under the sun. I remember how we used to get along so well with our cousins, not realizing they didn’t actually like us. I remember the lake, and how warm it was, and when we had a warm rain we’d sit there and blow bubbles with our brother. I remember not remembering Dads face and how it scared us so much. I remember comforting Mom when she was crying alone in her bed. I remember how afraid of light we were, then again it seems weird I’m allergic to the sun. I remember the wonderful night terrors we had, it was always us dying, and we preferred it that way. I remember Booties, the most wonderful dog I ever new. And Tasha, who really thought she was a lion among house cats. I remember when Dad came back, with the little tigger we had given him, he was different since he protected the pentagon. I remember dying with you, when we drowned in the lake, I remember how it changed us. I remember the hardships that hardened our innocent heart. How they were so cruel to judge us, to make fun of us when our hair was cut short. I remember when dad went to Iraq and we sat there with a blade in our hand knowing if we died dad would come back and make others happy. I remember our first boyfriend Skylar. He was so sweet. I remember the steps we took to not act rashly, how we wanted those boys to pay for the meanest things. I remember when our brother hit us in the throat, and we couldn’t breath, and we started crying. I remember the dances and how we never really went to any with a date. And of course we remember him, Cody, we are dating now after he broke up with his fiancé. I remember not long ago how much he caused us hurt, pain, and sorrow. I don’t want you to be so keen on growing up, it’s not worth it, trust me. It gets harder and harder, and you’re gonna break down sometimes, you’re gonna lose weight, even when you’re eating all you can. You’re going to cry A LOT, and some chocolate will help. You’re gonna feel that three cuts won’t hurt, but you put the blade down. You’re gonna feel like your parents don’t trust you, and your decisions. And in 2012, you’re gonna feel like every single song on the radio gets you. You’re gonna feel lonely. And worried about your friend who are planning to lose something they shouldn’t til they are much older. You’re gonna get jealous with your best friend because the guy you like likes her. You’re gonna wanna die, again. And everyone just keeps moving without you. We going to get stronger, and find a way out of this mess. So to you my old self, I raise my glass. And hope that the dreams your dreaming last forever.

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