• was i too young?

    by  • January 31, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Advice • 0 Comments

    In april 20, 2011 i found out that i was pregnant at only 17 years of age. i had just gotten back with my ex boyfriend. during that time we had to tell our parents that we were expecting and that we wanted to keep it. our parents suggested that it would be nice if we married and we agreed because we had plans of getting married before i got pregnant. we got married at Las Vegas, Nevada on March 28, 2011 and we had a whole future ahead of us.

    During summer we would go out to parties, the beach, the park etc. we thought we had it all. my first trimester of my pregnancy things were good we found out we were having a baby boy but in my second things started to fall. it started with arguments that led to tears. we would always talk it out and there things were back to normal. But in my third trimester i saw that things got worse he would go out and i would stay home. Of course it was already 11pm and ill be too tired of even thinking of being out in the streets. as November and December were the worse i would always be sad and upset that he wasn’t there for me anymore. my due date was December 24, 2011 but my baby decided to be a late baby.

    New years came and i should have seen it my baby daddy so called husband lost interest in me i thought it was just me who saw things. i would always see messages from some girl calling him baby and always texting her. on January 2, 2012 i was admitted to the hospital to induce my labor due to my water was lowering causing my baby to have less space in my womb i decided to stay in the hospital for his safety.

    Now let me say my stay at the Hospital was the worse yes he was their but i didnt feel like he was there with me. i thought it just had to do with my contractions. On January 4th 2012 i was told that i was already 9 cm 1/2 dilated 100% effaced and that my baby was big and too high up and if it was going to be a vaginal virth that he could posibly get stuck on his way out.

    I had to have an emergency Csection. baby boy Israel Nathan 8lb 5oz i should have seen it coming. Seeing my baby for the first time and i felt no conection. but when they let me hold him he meant everything to me. my hospital stay was for 3 days. i’ll say my recovery was pretty quick. on Saturday the 7th we were sent home. The first week was horrible my pain from the incision hurt so bad and i felt like i couldn’t do anything for my newborn.

    2 weeks postpartum and my husband told me he wanted a break that he didn’t love me anymore that he needed time to think. i found some pictures he took with a girl kissin her. and it took me 3 days to actually realise that he had found a replacement for me. that day i left the house and went to my parents house to stay there posibly forever.

    1 week and half passed and an accident happened my Brother shot someone in the leg and the people he hung out with said that the other guys wanted revenge on him so my brother decided to runaway and never come back. its been 4 days and i really do miss him he was their for me when i most needed him and now hes gone. for my babys and my safety i had to go back to my husband’s home. i told him about the situation and he said he’ll care about us and protect us.

    To his family we’re “married” but were just friends. i feel like he’s never going to be in a relationship with me ever and that we’re never going to be a happy family. i’ve cried almost everyday thinking that if i wasn’t here i wouldn’t be so confused. now i really do love him and want to be with him. yes we still kiss and hug but does he do that because he has feelings for me or is he using me.

    i’m only 18 and i’ve had a pretty messed up past. will this get better? is he going to want to be mine again? i’m so scared. please i need advice do i move on now? or wait for him?

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