• It took a long time

    by  • January 31, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 1 Comment

    It took a long time for my heart not to leap in my chest when I thought I saw your car. It took a long time to not feel numb after we were over. I left a lot of wreckage in my wake during the years when I put up walls so that no one else could leave the mark that you did. I moved on and fell for a wonderful person….but still, there’s this feeling that I’m still connected to you. You asked me to visit you years after we had broken up…at the time I thought it was a terrible idea. Why would I open myself up to you again? But now that I’m settled, I wonder why I didn’t…at least then I would have known how to move forward. I adore the man I’m with but it’s like I have some invisible string that’s attached to you still and I can’t move without you moving, and I can’t breathe without you breathing. We met so young and we made such a horrendous mess of ourselves with the feelings that were entrusted to us. I spent years convincing myself of your indiscretions. And, it took a long time to realize that I was as much of a contributor to the mess as you were….we broke each other in the end. I thought I would have another chance at the type of love we had….but nothing has touched me to the depth that yours did. I wish we could have remained friends; I wish you were still in my life in some capacity. A few years ago I sent you an e-mail about something incidental just to try to formally reconnect. You told me that I must be a psychic because what I had written had been exactly what you were doing at that time. I told you I missed you and you responded in like that you felt the same way but you never wrote anything else. I thought you would. I viewed that as my last stand…my last attempt at reconciliation and redemption. I should have said I was sorry…I should have said that I wished I would have visited you when you had asked.

    The thing is, I want that part of me that you carry within you back….I want to cut the strings that tie us to each other so that I can give that part of myself to the person I’m with now. He really does deserve it; he’s a good man. I wish you nothing but happiness and joy in life. I hope you know how much I still care about you. But please, please…give me that piece of my soul back…it’s not yours to carry any longer.

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    One Response to It took a long time

    1. Fg
      January 31, 2012 at 6:20 pm

      I can totally sympathise with this feeling! It’s so hard to break the ties 🙁



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