In class when my mind wanders I think back to past times we’ve had together. When i’m running I think about my feelings for you and try and make everything make sense in my head. Hell, now I even dream about you. You encompass so much of my thoughts and i’m really trying my best to get over you and become so much less attached – but it’s so difficult.
We’re in different states at different schools and I know long distance couldn’t work, so we don’t even talk. Going from hanging out with you, cuddling, having deep talks, having sex, looking deep into to your eyes …. to now not speaking or even texting for 2 and a half months is quite a difficult task. But your version of ‘no long distance’ incorporates not speaking to each other until we are home.
I wonder how often you think of me. I often feel like this relationship of ours, or whatever we have going, is one-sided on my part, but you begged to differ when we talked over winter break. You expressed that you cared deeply for me and were definitely not in this simply for sex. You even drunk texted me one night that you loved me.
But I just can’t help but wonder if you think about me like I do. How when you are drunk if you have to control the urge to send me a text – like I do. Or if the sunsets at night can’t help you think of me – like I do. Or if random memories pop into your head at random times in the day – like I do.
I miss you and I know I can’t hold onto you forever so I am trying to let myself grow. I am trying to find myself as the individual person I am, and I have set goals for myself to achieve so that I can focus on other, fulfilling things in my life. But nonetheless, you have become apart of my brain, and I think you’ll always have a part of my heart.