• everything i never say

    by  • January 25, 2012 • Confession • 2 Comments

    lately i haven’t been able to even show who i really am because of my depression. i don’t want to admit it to anyone but at least i have finally admitted it to myself. i need to find a way to talk to my mom or someone so i can get some form of help. but i can’t even picture actually saying these words out loud. i just am not able to tell a doctor how i feel because it sounds pathetic and like i want attention but that’s not it at all. i’m going to be judged by anyone who knows this about me and i haven’t told anyone out of self preservation. it’s been a year. i want to think that i can get past this point in my life but it’s been long enough that makes me question it. to sum up this confession … i feel like shit

    2 Responses to everything i never say

    1. JB
      January 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

      I’m in the same boat. My parents ignore all the signs, I get tongue-tied trying to reach for friends, who’d probably turn away from me as if i were a freak. I hate asking for help cause I feel like an attention whore, so I hide behind jokes and laughter, when really I feel hallow. To sum up my comment for you – you’re not alone, Depression sucks, but it’s worse when you have to fight the battle alone with a nagging voice in the back of your head.

    2. S Duarte
      January 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

      You are not alone. You are courageous enough to admit to yourself you are seeking something more. Sometimes depression can be your inner true self telling you that there is more….there is….and it can be scary to find out what it is….but it will lift you if you can find the strength to trust yourself. Don’t “feel” ashamed to “feel” sad or lonely…try to remind yourself those are “feelings” and not always “realities”…lead with your head and then follow your heart as they say…it is sound advice. I have found one of the hardest truths is discovering that YOU alone are the one who can love and fix you….others are there to support you.. and if not find those that do. Ask for help…it is a brave act to be vulnerable…you won’t regret reaching out to the correct safe people. You are more than your feelings. Feelings guide but they do not make us “us”. I hope for inner peace for you.

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