You know that moment when you realize that you’re in love with someone, even though they are back together with their ex, has taken over so much of your free time it makes every other aspect of your life suffer? I realized that today. That moment hit me like a lightening bolt while driving down the road and the only person I could think of was you. I couldn’t think of the Test I had just failed in school, or the job I was running late to, or the two papers I needed to write; the only thought I had circling through my mind was of you. How much I want you, how much I love you and how much I hate the fact that you got back together with your exgirlfriend. I’m lying to myself by pretending we can still be friends, and thinking that we’re not still attracted to each other, because clearly we are. I know you have the same feelings, you just want to give it another shot with her. You’ll always wonder “what if?”
But don’t you ever think you’ll wonder the same thing if you pass up on the fact that you and I have a very strong connection, with real feelings and undeniable chemistry? What if when you two break up, and you two will…trust me, I’m not here waiting around on you? What if I’ve moved on? I love you, I can finally admit it to myself, I fought it for so long. But I had that moment today where I realized, that my love for you is clouding my judgement in more serious matters, such as my career goals, my sanity and our actual friendship. My love for you is real and deep, and it hurts that right now you won’t return it back to me. That moment today made me realize that maybe I shouldn’t waste my time loving you so much, since clearly you can’t love me the same way right now, and you don’t know when you’ll be able to return that type of love.
Have you ever had that moment when you realized that you let yourself get too emotionally involved with someone that was by all means the most perfect person for you, they just weren’t the perfect person for that time? I had that moment today? You and I are meant to be together, we’re just not meant to be together right now. And it makes it that much harder to put my feelings for you on the back burner while you pursue other interests and we can only be friends.
Have you ever had that moment when you realize that being friends will just never be enough? Eventually something will have to change in our dynamic. We both know that unless we actually take a step forward in our relationship, that at some point we will have to take a step back in our relationship and our friendship will suffer greatly.
That moment sucks. It is devastating, and it knocks the life out of you. That moment puts things into a completely different perspective.
I know that I love you, but I also know that for me that will never be enough unless I can know that you love me back the same way.