That’s it I’m done trying to be friends.
And I’d say it’s not you it’s me but it’s not. To be honest, I may be your friend…but you’re not mine. None of you.
I have been a fool. What I have always believe friendship was has always been a lie. I was a fool to think that if you try hard enough to be the best friend you can people will reciprocate it. To believe that if I care enough you’d care back. I am a fool. No more, no less. I guess I was always meant to be a loner. The sucky thing is I hate being alone. So I’m a loner who hates being alone. yippy skippy…
I hate how you told me you’d always be there, but when I need you, you’re never there. And I hate how I believed you.
Did I do something wrong? What have I done that makes it I can’t make a single good friend. The kind that will talk to me about everything just because they want to share stuff with me or they just want to hear me as much as I want to hear them. And that wants to hang out without me asking them first. The kind that will text or call me just because the want to talk to me. The kind that cares.
Something I really believed was that a friend will put you before themselves, and I’ve always tried to live that way. I’m not trying to be conceited. I have so many faults, too many to count, but I do know that the one good thing I have is that if a friend needed me I’d come running. But I starting to think that the idea of friends being there is a lie. Am I the only one willing to do this?
I’m so lost right now. I just need someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me it’s alright and that it’s ok to be this way and it’ll get better. But in reality…there are no heros. No one is going to come running for you when you’re past all hope. You have to be your own hero. You have to pull yourself together and try to stand again. And hope to God you have enough strength left to do just that.
Friendship, Love…….all lies. They’ve never existed and never will.