To all my “Friends”
by admin • January 21, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 6 Comments
That’s it I’m done trying to be friends.
And I’d say it’s not you it’s me but it’s not. To be honest, I may be your friend…but you’re not mine. None of you.
I have been a fool. What I have always believe friendship was has always been a lie. I was a fool to think that if you try hard enough to be the best friend you can people will reciprocate it. To believe that if I care enough you’d care back. I am a fool. No more, no less. I guess I was always meant to be a loner. The sucky thing is I hate being alone. So I’m a loner who hates being alone. yippy skippy…
I hate how you told me you’d always be there, but when I need you, you’re never there. And I hate how I believed you.
Did I do something wrong? What have I done that makes it I can’t make a single good friend. The kind that will talk to me about everything just because they want to share stuff with me or they just want to hear me as much as I want to hear them. And that wants to hang out without me asking them first. The kind that will text or call me just because the want to talk to me. The kind that cares.
Something I really believed was that a friend will put you before themselves, and I’ve always tried to live that way. I’m not trying to be conceited. I have so many faults, too many to count, but I do know that the one good thing I have is that if a friend needed me I’d come running. But I starting to think that the idea of friends being there is a lie. Am I the only one willing to do this?
I’m so lost right now. I just need someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me it’s alright and that it’s ok to be this way and it’ll get better. But in reality…there are no heros. No one is going to come running for you when you’re past all hope. You have to be your own hero. You have to pull yourself together and try to stand again. And hope to God you have enough strength left to do just that.
Friendship, Love…….all lies. They’ve never existed and never will.
you took the words right out of my mouth.
the worst part is knowing there are other people on here that feel the same way and not being able to try to form a friendship with them when we feel the same way.
but i suppose at least knowing that we aren’t the only ones who have this problem is somewhat comforting
no. not really. not at all.
just makes me feel like less of a failure to see that there are other people willing to give it their all even when people let you down.
idk what it is. i feel like i’m doing something wrong. lately i’ve been racking my brain so much trying to figure out what it is. why do these people treat me like a door mat? come when they need help and leave right after, only to return when they need help again even if i need help. which right now, i need more help and company that i ever have… but them knowing that doesn’t make a difference.
i hate this. i feel like shit.
i dont want to be lonely anymore.
i feel pathetic knowing that i’ve done nothing wrong and still i’m the one who cries herself to sleep at night because the people who i’m always there for are never there for me.
i’ll have this post send me emails if it gets any replies so please feel free to say anything, and i’ll get back to you.
its only the the best of us who are able to stand strong on our own, even when it hurts, even when we dont want to… but we have to, and we do our best.
i guess some of us just know how not to take advantage of the luxury of having friends, and others take it for granted and abuse the label, causing us to put friend in quotation marks because we no longer understand why our “friends” can just be.. friends.
keep your head up
as cheesy and lame as it sounds, we can stand tall together. (puke!)
I lost every friend I had, but I found my soulmate. Now doesn’t that figure?
Love exists, it does. Don’t give up on that. You just need to find the right people… the right person.
I guess not everyone is as lucky as you.
The only thing “lucky” about my scenario is this:
I have no other friends (zero, zip, zilch), and I went through severe depression that almost took my life. I found him just before I was about to give up. I found out a little later that he was closer than I was to taking his life… he planned to do it hours later. We met online… just minutes later, and we wouldn’t have even crossed paths. Days later, and he wouldn’t have even been around to meet.
How could that be chance. How could that be luck, really?
I lost my old friends (who weren’t really friends anyway) because of my ex boyfriend, and couldn’t make new ones. Nobody wanted anything to do with me… they still don’t.
I have one person now, and I’m done searching. I’m done wondering what is wrong with me… because if these people don’t want to be my friend, then I want nothing to do with them anyway. If I find friends later in life that’s great, but I don’t need them.
I needed a hero, and I am ashamed of it. I am ashamed that I couldn’t stand up for myself and be strong. The only good that came out of my weakness was finding him… and the only reason that happened was I needed it. I needed that push.
Maybe you need to pull your own self up, but that’s not a bad thing. That means that you can be strong. That means you don’t need someone else to make you who you are.
I didn’t mean to offend anyone with my last post. I know firsthand how hopeless it can seem… I wanted to assure you that love is out there. I think it’s crazier to believe in luck than love. Love is real, but you won’t see it if you blind yourself to it.
Be strong, but open your heart. You can do this, all of you.
I don’t take my love for granted, I can’t. I’ll never forget how truly blessed I am to have this chance… I couldn’t make this feeling up. It’s not make believe, whether you believe it or not.
I wish both of you (and the rest of the readers here) the best in everything. Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.
As if it makes it any different? You’re not the only one whose been there.
As if I want to make it seem like I’m special?
Yeah, I’m sorry I took the time to comment in the first place. I guess I’m just lucky, and I don’t know your pain.
I mean, crying myself to sleep at night (and during the day, hidden in my car so I didn’t need to face people) with a knife in my hands, for months on end… that was nothing. Not having a soul to talk to about any of this shit, not having even one fake friend to use me. I’m lucky. I’m so fucking lucky.
Because I’m so different from you, is that right? It’s because I’m not hopeless enough, it’s because I’ve actually made a true connection with someone…?
I’m not special, I’m not lucky.
Decide your own fate, don’t trap yourself in your own negative thinking. Open your fucking eyes.
I won’t be reading any more replies to this; I really prefer to remain in a good mood, thanks.
Again, I wish you the best.