I wish I was brave enough to say this to you in person. You know me well enough now I’m sure, to know that I hate showing weakness of any sort. I hope that even though I’ve said this, we will still be friends.
I don’t think you realise how much I’m going to miss you when we leave. Miss your teasing, your laugh, your musical tastes (yeah, even the loud stuff). But I’ll miss having you as a friend who I can trust with anything, perhaps you don’t realise, but you are one of the people who knows most about me. I have told you a lot more about myself than I have to many others, you know so much more than so many of my friends. And you’re friend that makes me laugh whatever the situation we’re in. The silences are never awkward and we can always laugh at each other.
This year, in particular, you have been there at my lowest points for me. I am so so grateful – words don’t even cover it. At work after Splash had died. Through all the ten tors crap, when I couldn’t see a way out, and wanted to hide from the world. Even the year before that when I worked over ten tors weekend and don’t actually remember it – weirdly you still spoke me after it despite me (apparently! And only as a joke!) beating you up with a coat hanger. You look out for me without being overbearing and fussing at me. You distract me, from everything bad (and sometimes work!).
You’ve probably figured out what I want to say by now and are getting your running shoes on (metaphorically). But I figured that either way now, I’ll probably lose you. And yeah, yeah people make those promises to all their friends when they leave, promising to catch up regularly and not lose contact but I’ve been there. That’s not how it works. People move on and meet new friends, have masses of work to do and then you drift so easily. And before you know it, you haven’t spoken in 6 months or 12 months. That’s the worst bit, and what I’m most afraid of; losing those I love.
And I’m not ready. Usually I just get on with it, but this time? I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for leaving here. The last two years have been incredible for me. But life doesn’t stop just because you’re having a great time. Now it’s time to grow up and move on.
I hope that the next few years are amazing for you. I’m so proud of how well you did in your A-levels, especially being that you were working so hard at the time. I hope you have a fantastic time in Chester, you really do deserve to do well there, and in the rest of your life! Hopefully you’ll get to America to live your dream. You’re going to be an awesome policeman when you get there – and you will.
If you’re reading this, I’m quite frankly amazed. I’ve never said how I felt about you because I value our friendship so much. Not speaking to you would have broken my heart – you are the only friend not to hurt me.
Do whatever you want with this; keep it, destroy it, laugh at it. I really don’t mind. I just hope that we can remain friends, somehow.
I’ll miss you like mad but I hope that you have a fab time at Uni and find someone who deserves you – never settle for second best.
I love you