Just saw your message. It said you wanted to say goodbye before you killed yourself. It also blamed someone for it… the only person that would have seen it would be me. Why was it my fault? I only loved you. I only will love you.
I guess I won’t know for sure if you did it. You could just avoid me for the rest of my life if you’re still out there. I’ll hope for the rest of my life that it was a sick joke, that you just didn’t like me anymore. That you wanted an easy way out of a relationship that wasn’t working for you. I’ll hope. I’d rather think that you’re just an asshole, than that you took your life.
I can’t even cry, I’m shaking. I’m terrified. I feel like my heart is on fire. My heart, and my head.. and everything. I’m burning from the inside out. If it happened, and you really blame me… I just. I don’t know. I can’t see me loving anyone else, ever. I really don’t. You had my heart, and you knew it. Know it.
You saved my life, and I can’t believe I might not have been there to save yours. You are such a wonderful person, you really are. Perfect. You taught me how to love, you reminded me how to laugh when I couldn’t even smile. I love you. I miss you. I wish you the best. Please be okay. Please.
Fuck, where did I put my knife? I haven’t needed him in a while, because of you. Thank you for that. But I’ll need it tonight. I think it’ll be sleeping with me for a while.
Did I mention I love you?
Okay, now I’m crying.
Happy New Year, Baby.