I can’t sleep, so I’ll just sit here, writing words that will only be read by eyes they aren’t meant for. I wish I could spill my heart out to you. I really wish I could just look you in the eye and tell you how I’m feeling, how you make me feel, but I can’t. I miss you, you know. Even thought it’s only been a little over a week since I’ve seen you, I still miss you like crazy. Everything reminds me of you. Even things that don’t remotely have the slightest thing to do with you remind me of you.
I don’t get it. Truly, I don’t. I spend so much time, waste so much time, really, thinking about you while I don’t mean anything special to you. That’s a lie though, isn’t it? We almost always converse about the clothes you’re wearing when I see you, don’t we? So when you were wearing Christmas themed things, and you told me you thought about me and how I wouldn’t think they matched while you were picking them out? Is that something someone who doesn’t care about another does? I don’t think so, but what do I know? I’m just a naive kid, freshman in college. Community college at that.
I know nothing about real relationships and how people feel, think, and act when they’re in them. I want to know, really I do. I yearn to be in a relationship with someone that cares about me and wants to be with me. However, it seems as though so male exists. At least not one brave enough to do anything or say anything about it.
I wish more than anything for someone to come along that cares about me. Is it really that hard to find someone that could actually care about me, someone that wants to learn about me and won’t run away from my problems? In all honesty, I’m not looking for someone that will fight by battles or cure my issues. I just want someone that is willing to cheer me on while I fight and get over them myself. I want someone that is willing to understand that sometimes, I just need to be held, and other times, I don’t like to be touched at all. Someone that doesn’t mind sitting in silence because I just don’t know what to say all the time.
I’d sad I’m working on fighting some depression right now. What I think I really need more than a man in my life is to figure out what it is that will make me happy. Maybe after I’ve found my own happiness I’ll be able to find someone. I’ve always been told he’ll appear when I least expect it. Maybe this is true.
I can only hope for the best.