• Please Set Me Free

    by  • November 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On, To You • 0 Comments

    Nicole,

    I have tried writing this letter a hundred times. But I never seem to finish it. There is so much I want to say to you that I need to say in person. You are amazing wonderful and beautiful. I couldn’t ask for anything else. I love the way you make me smile. I love the way you make me feel. But I am no longer sure if I am in love with you. Maybe it’s because I haven’t spent time with you in two weeks. Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard your voice in weeks. Maybe it’s because it is finally hitting me that I am not your first choice as long as you’re with her. It’s weird I don’t want to stop loving you. I thought I never would. But as you continue to distance yourself from me my feelings are becoming more muddled. I don’t know if I am truly over you, but I really want to hang out to find out. I am so unsure of my feelings, more unsure than you are of yours. Part of me wants to be over you because that means my pain is ended, that we can finally be friends. That I don’t have to be that crazy girl anymore. That I have finally reverted back to who I was before. But another part of me doesn’t want to be over you. The part that still hopes we have a chance of getting back together. The me that still loves you more than anything in the world. The part that wants to make hundreds of more memories. See I will always love you. You were my first love, and I will always hold you near to my heart. I am just not sure if I am still in love with you. I want you in my life for sure. Your bubbly personality is not one that I want to let go of. You always are able to cheer me up. But when I think about you now, I don’t get butterflies. I need to see you to be sure. Cause I am unsure of anything. I am afraid to let go of you in case you come back to me and I am not there to take you into my arms. But I am also afraid to hold on because what if you never come back. I am in a tricky position. Because my heart and my head want to different things, and I am not sure what to listen to. Are you ready for me to move on? Because if you don’t figure it out quick that is what is going to happen, though I guess it would be easier since the decision would be made for you. You don’t have much time, another week and I am not going to listen to my heart anymore.

    M. Marra

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