I decided I should write to you here, because you won’t talk to me. I’ve tried texting and facebook thus far, but I just don’t have the balls to call you. Mostly because I’m not sure what I want more. For you to pick up, or to ignore the call.
ANYways, this is what I want to say to you.
Every time Christmas rolls around, I start thinking about you a lot more than I normally do. Right after Thanksgiving without fail, I listen to the song 30days by nevershoutnever, and that’s kind of what sets this whole “obsessoverkellyuntilnextyear” thing into gear. It’s not even special memories about Christmas. It’s just you. I still have all of the letters you wrote me around Christmas before our really epic breakup and I read those around this time of year which is really unhealthy for me. But seriously. When did you and I ever do what was in our best interest?
I honestly don’t know what I want from you. Okay that’s a lie, I know what I want from you.
1. The letter titled “YOU.” on this website, I want to know if you wrote it. Be honest.
2. I just want you to tell me how you still feel about me. Do you think about me as often as I think about you? I still don’t feel like I have closure. Tell me to fuck off if you have to.
3.I just need you to tell me everything is going to be okay.
I don’t expect you to fall madly in love with me so we could go back to the way we used to be, I just want you to acknowledge my existence. Maybe that’s selfish of me; to want all of this from you. I can’t take back what I did to you and you can’t take back what you did to me. We’re poison for each other, we both know this.
“I’m bad people.”
Remember when you said that to me? I do.
I miss you though. I really do. I can’t stop loving you or caring about you. I just know that you and I will never be “US” again. I’m not looking for that anymore. It took me a really long time and a lot of shitty relationships to realize that I’ll never find another you again, but I don’t need a you to be happy.
You taught me more about myself than anyone else ever has and I thank you for that.
I’m not sure if I should go on but I’ll just end with this:
You’re my cute boy, and I’m your gorgeous girl.
Mr. Bear and Mrs. Raccoon.
You are alive.
You’re a goober.
I love you Kelly. Always have, always will. I miss you too.
Everything is going to be okay.