It’s amazing how much I remember about you after a year of not being together. For example, I remember the exact moment I first saw you, or what we had for dinner that night you and Dan sat with me and Ashley for the first time (and how much you two complained about it). I remember the first time we kissed, what we were both wearing, I still picture it whenever I go back there.
I remember how we used to walk together. Well, you walked while I danced ahead. There was that time we both jumped in puddles and hid in the woods and got rained on in broad daylight.
I remember your face when everyone else left and there was just the ten of us. How you let yourself cry and how sadly beautiful your blue eyes looked. I could get lost in those eyes. And I did, there was so much life and emotion.
I remember that night we fell asleep near each other, and how when i woke up your arm was stretched towards me. I remember how you chest felt when I would jump at the stupidest part of the movie, and you would just chuckle and kiss my head.
I remember that last night of the summer. What you sounded like, what you tasted like, how you felt, how you made me feel. I remember how I cried and you kissed me to stop the tears. I remember our promise, “Don’t forget me, but don’t miss me”
I then remember how elated I felt when you told me how you couldn’t keep that promise weeks later, and how much you missed me, and then you asked me out again. This started one of the happiest times I have ever had.
Remember how my mom surprised me with you on my birthday. I couldn’t stop smiling. And I wore that perfume everyday because it reminded me of you. Then the time you came to visit me, I was bouncing in the car. There were our skype dates which would last till my mom would yell at me to go to bed, and our phone calls where I was just content with listening to your voice.
I find it amazing that I can still remember our “monthaversary” as you liked to call it, but then again, the day after was when you called me. And broke up with me. And broke my heart. I didn’t fight it, i didn’t want to be that girl who couldn’t let go. But I was confused, still am confused I guess. You asked if we could still be friends, and I said ok. You asked if I was ok, I said I’m fine and I understand. But I didn’t understand, I DONT understand. How can someone go from being so happy one day, and literally the next day say things aren’t working. You said it was the distance, but I doubt it.
I look back and I wonder if it was because I never told you I loved you. I thought you said it a few times, but I doubted so didn’t say anything. I was scared to say it too early, but I think not saying it is what ended us. And I look back and wish I had fought, or pushed why, or at least cry. I didn’t even let myself cry.
It’s been a year, and I can’t bring myself to hate you, or even be annoyed at you. I’ve seen you in this year, and I feel something in my heart each time. You’ve moved on, I have too. But I can’t help but wonder “what if”. You made me happy, you made my summer. That birthday is still the top of my list. I see you and miss you, but what can I do now. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, and I thank you. For everything.
So thanks, have a good life. I hope we aren’t a regret, because we’re not to me.