I feel tired, sad, lonely, lethargic. Like I need something to fill this empty hole in me but I don’t know what, if anything, can fill it.. I know it is normal to feel down and unhappy at times, but it disturbs me because I’m afraid it’s the first sign of me getting sick again. Of moving back inside my head again, and not living life again.
A new year will be with us in a month and a day. I can’t deny I’m excited to be closing the book on this year. It really has been both the best and worst year of my life.
I don’t know what I can do to get over you. I think about you everyday and it hurts so much I can’t even describe. Right now I want to cry, I want to break down and be held in someone’s arms and be told that everything will be ok, my heart can be whole again and I can give it to someone else completely.
I don’t want to be heartbroken forever but I wish you’d call me and tell me why you did what you did, it might help my heart heal.
I’ve been through a few really difficult things in my life so far, and hand on heart after all these years I can honestly say i have come away the stronger person from them all except you. At least not yet anyway.
It’s times like these I wish I didn’t know you. Even for all the good you’ve done, I’ve lost so many years pining after you that I can’t get back.
Living and learning is what I’ll keep doing.
And if you think of me sometimes I hope you sometimes feel guilty about the pain you’ve caused me