I used your name, cause I highly doubt you even know this website exists, & even if you did, you probably will never see this letter.
I miss you. I miss you a lot, & it actually hurts that I don’t even get to talk to you on facebook anymore.
The first time I ever actually remember hanging out with you was when we were about 12 or so. I was with my friend walking around town, we bumped into you & 2 other guys. We all ended up going back to her house to hang out. You guys were all stoned, & you stared at your feet for the longest time, at the end all you had to say was that you had odd socks on. We all busted out laughing at you.
Then we never really hung out much after that. Last year, I was in town for my christmas break. I ended up talking to you at the bottom of the stairs & you held my waist, but nothing more. After that your mom started calling me “my kayla”. I guess she always liked me.
This summer, in August, I came home again. This time it was a lot better, we talked & hung out. I learned that your hugs are the best, that your mom really likes me, and that just about everyone thought we were going out. But we weren’t.
You hugged me for the longest times ever, as if you were afraid that you’d never see me again. I’ve never had someone hugged me so caringly. No one.
We drank together, you helped me get in my house when I was locked out, you sat on my laps, we hugged, we sat & held each other, we kissed, once.
I seen a guy, who left a hickey, everyone thought it was from you, everyone thought we were going out. I’m not surprised, the way we hugged, & were so happy around each other, we always sat together.
You walked me home one night, I told you I was afraid that your ex-gf might get jealous & try to fight me. You said not to worry, you have the whole town’s respect & if she tried anything, then you’d do something.
When you helped me get in my house, first we sat & laid on the back steps, I never feel safe there, but with you, I did. Then you asked me why don’t I knock? haha, I laughed & told you that I was the only one there. When we got in, we laid on the couch together & watched walk the line. You copied his laugh, I laughed so hard at you.
We chatted a lot on fb too. You told me you had respect for me, that you liked me, that I made you smile stupidly at the computer, a lot.
I started to like you too, but then you went & shot yourself. I am so darn thankful that nothing happened to you, but I’m scared to get closer to you now.
One night, after we’ve stopped talking for quite a while, you got back with your ex. She inboxed me on your account, asking why I wanted to see you. I didn’t say anything about that, since well September, & this was in October. You guys were broke up at the time. You even asked if I wanted to make a bet that you’d be single til I came back. I told you not to wait for me.
So after that I blocked your account, after you block someone, fb deletes them off of your friends list.
I tried adding you back a couple days ago. You never accepted it yet.
I’ve been dreaming about signing back on, & seeing that you accepted the request. I’m always so happy, then I wake up & realize its not true.
How pathetic is that? I miss you so much, & I can’t even tell you anymore.
I understand that right now, you want to do whatever it takes to makes her happy.
But can’t you fit me in there somewhere too? I miss you.
Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Even though, we were only ever friends. Do you always remember things we did together? Are you still clean of weed? Remember, you quit cause I wanted you to? I hope you still think of me sometimes.