• Break me before I fall

    by  • November 29, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Dear N,

    I just wanted you to know that I care about you, truly care about you. I have since I first got to know you. Truth is, you are so much like me it is surreal. I always have so much fun when I am with you, and you always know how to make me feel good about myself.

    It breaks my heart to see you in the situations that you put yourself in with her and what hurts the most is I do the same thing to myself. I guess it’s just being on the outside looking in that makes you really realize (and I mean REALLY realize) everything that is wrong with your own life. I have had all these delusions about how perfect my “relationship” was, after him being away I realized that all the bad things that made me unhappy outweighed the good things. I had lost the ability to laugh at my own stupid antics, and at my own jokes. Being told how stupid I acted, really hurt my self-esteem.

    I love your goofy laugh, your sense of humor, and your attitude. I love that you can make a joke out of everything and even when I am mad at you, you still make me laugh. I love that I can completely fall apart, and you don’t say a word, you let me cry it out. I love that you have a good heart and are willing to do just about anything for anyone (even if you complain about it.) I love your body, and how it feels against mine. I love the way you kiss me and make me feel like I am the only person on your mind, even though I know I’m not.

    I know that I should be sorry about what happened, but in all honesty, I’m not. I can’t be. It shout have been an error in judgement but it wasn’t. I have wanted to kiss you since the night you fell asleep in my lap, I have wanted to tell you since then.

    I have always been good about hiding how I feel, but even when no one else knows what I am feeling you do. That is something that is hard to deal with. I have always been able to read people by their actions, not the other way around. That in itself is slightly irritating to me, but at the same time makes me want to open myself up to you.

    I want you to know that I don’t want to be a rebound, I want you to REALLY want me, not just want me because you are unhappy with where you are now. I hope you understand that. When things start to fall apart, I am here to help you pick up the pieces, I don’t want to do it for you. I don’t know how you feel so I am not going to make assumptions, I am going to think the worse. I honestly want to think that what happened was an accident, until proven otherwise. I won’t throw myself at your feet, I am not a doormat, however, I will walk beside you if that is what you want.

    I’m falling in love with you. I just thought you would like to know that.

    I just hope that you aren’t building me up just to watch me fall. It’s harder to pick up the pieces the higher you are. If that is what you are doing then you need to take a step back, rethink, and tell me that I don’t mean a thing, break me down before I have a chance to fall harder.


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