• Words Left Unspoken

    by  • November 28, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    R,
    Many years have passed since we have seen each other, and words that should have been spoken were left unsaid. I loathe the things I was forced to say, the actions I had to take. Humiliating you was never what I honestly wanted to do. I was there for you when you needed a friend, I could not bear the thought of you being in that place and believing no one cared. It was not I who sent you there, yet your own actions caused that. I heard what you were telling people, and I just let them believe it. Why not, I had been accustomed to letting you off the hook for many a things, what was another one going to matter? I take losing my dignity in other’s eyes with a grain of salt. The truth in one’s heart will always outweigh the opinions of others. If you ever questioned my love for you, it is time to open your eyes and see that obviously I loved you. I wish you could realize I have made peace with what we had put each other through, and I hope you one day do the same for yourself, instead of keeping up this falsehood. Years ago I loved you, more so than I have to date, loved another. You were a lesson to be learned and I was your student. And I was a lesson to be learnt, and you were the student. What I got out of that relationship will last me a lifetime, and may forever hold me hostage of truly giving my heart to another, but also a lesson I hold dear to me. I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be, and I believe, you were never really willing to truly show me- you. I just wish I had realized that when actually in the time of our crazy relationship, lol. I apologized to you before, and no, I was not deluding myself that you may write back. That was not the purpose of the apology and just letting you know I was thinking about you with the deaths of family members you had experienced. Probably quite a shock to see I actually still had any sort of compassion left inside of me. Letting you go was never easy. I wanted you to know that I do not hate you, I do not feel bitter towards you and I loved you with everything I had to give. Nothing, nor no one could ever take that away from me. Underneath all this, still exists the woman who though it all – always knew one day you would be the man you were meant to be, even if it weren’t with me. My heart and mind will forever wish goods things to happen in your life and that you always love fearlessly and generously.

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