(I can’t make you love me if you don’t
I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t)
Guess this is a letter I’d never have the courage to send to you. I’ve known you since I came to uni……in fact you were in my bigger tutorial group and we’ve always been friends…..at least I like to think we took a bit of a natural shine to each other as friends at the start.
And then……and then. I don’t know how it happened. One minute you were just nice friendly Emily, someone who I would talk to outisde lectures or have brief polite conversations with. Then I started to see more of you last year….started to feel something a little more between us. At first I just thought we were becoming closer as friends and then I felt it. That little jolt when you were around. That deep sense of peace and perfection that wrenched my gut when I looked in those big, bright blue eyes. The way my heart nearly flew out of your mouth when you did your little crooked halfway smile. It’s something I’ve always loved about you. That smile. And the way your mouth wound its way around my name…….”Paw-dy” always makes me smile.
All those monday nights we spent together doing crazy dances not caring who was looking…..throwing crazy shapes the whole night long. I miss that. And all those times you asked me to walk you home. Why could I not just take it as a sign and just do something about it? At least take a shot. But no. Ther perfect gentleman as ever I walked you home and we talked crap till the wee hours of the morning…..getting to know you better than perhaps some of my older friends. When we spoke something jsut felt……right. I remember once when you met my gaze in the kitchen and for about five seconds straight we just stared into each others eyes…..I just wanted to grab you and kiss you…and part of me thinks you wanted to to.
But that’s my problem. I don’t have that confidence to reach out and grab you; to ask you to coffee; I barely have the courage to dance with you. All I need is a real sign from you…..and now I fear I may be just that bit too late. I hear vague rumours around the grapevine that you’re seeing someone now.