• maddi

    by  • November 28, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments


    Have you ever been in love?
    So infatuated, so passionate, that you’d do anything, ANYTHING, for that person. You’d cry every night, every single fucking night for days if you messed one thing up. I forgot to smile when he told me that, or giggle when he said a joke. No sleep for days. You close your eyes and all you can see is him because he’s all that’s on your mind. His hand fits perfectly with yours, and the second it’s gone, your blood gets too cold and your heart has a hard time beating.

    I know you have felt this, you’ve told me all about it. Even now when you’re reading this, you’re picturing him in your mind. Because he’s all you know about love.

    Take that feeling you get when you see his face, those butterflies, melting butter, fireworks, whatever it makes you feel. Take that and divide that feeling by 365 days. More. Make that feeling last for that long. I want you to try.

    After the first few days, weeks, those butterflies turn to rocks in your belly. You’d know the feeling if you’ve gone through it, I know you have. But it doesn’t go away.

    The love simply runs out and turns into desire. Burning, crazy desire. A lust for something that You. Cannot. Have.
    No matter how much you beg, No matter how much you sob, make yourself suffer. You’d give up anything and everything, for that feeling to be fresh in your mind. Because nothing, I repeat NOTHING, is worse then stale love.

    It swells in the back of your throat like a pill that’s too large to swallow.
    It creeps up on you when you don’t expect it.
    It starts with the ache you get in your stomach when you’ve been punched, real hard.
    You can’t breathe as if he’s your oxygen and the tank is slowly running out.
    Your eyebrows quiver and you cannot make the tears start from coming and you cannot erase his image from your brain.

    You crave that passion you once had but now all you’re left with is the emptiness of his absence.

    The heaviness of depression settles on your shoulders, as you go through every day like this. Convince yourself there was never any love, this is the best it will get. This feeling that you are trying so hard to grasp on to, and not forget, is all there ever was.

    There’s no future in this love, you just hope the next morning you won’t wake up with his beneath breath on your skin, his smell lingering in your head.

    and then you said
    “You don’t mean shit to him. He. Does. Not. Care. About. You.”

    He. Does. Not. Care. About. You.

    He. Does. Not. Care. About. You.

    He. Does. Not. Care. About. You.

    and you left me in a very, very dark place maddi.

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