You tell me that you hate yourself. But I love you. You tell me that you’re worthless. But you’re a treasure to me. You tell me that you have nothing to offer. But I am not looking to take anything.
My dear dear darling, you are Bi Polar. i started facing the facts a couple weeks ago, but deep down I’ve known for a long time. I know you know too, and your scared. But don’t you think if you face the facts it will ease some of your torment. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know what to do. All the signs are there. Your emotions are like a pendulum. When things are good, oh dear god they are good. But when there not… I feel so helpless. Helpless to the hurt.
When you, a grown man, sob in my arms day after day because of nostalgia or true feelings start pumping through your veins, it kills me inside to watch. You have so much depth and are the most intellegent human being I’ve ever met. What 21 year old is searching in the library day after day for the meaning of life? Who are you? You are like some beautiful creature afraid to reveal yourself. You told me that your like a dog that has been kicked to much, and now whenever someone is trying to pet you, you can’t do anything but bite back. I understand, life is hard. But there are good people in the world, right? People who have the capacity to love and feel and make this shitty fucked up place better.
I can’t watch you suffer anymore. This is treatable. You can take measures to make this easier, love. You need to stop isolating yourself, stop being hard on yourself. Eat right, sleep right, stop smoking, stop wallowing.
Please, don’t be mad. I am here for you. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you because of this, I am only getting stronger.