• Beginning Again?

    by  • November 28, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, The Ex • 1 Comment

    From the very start I had no intention of liking you. We hung out as friends and had great memories from years back. But then we began chatting more, one on one, talking about the funny things we would do together. One day while chatting, we decided to hang out.. alone for the first time. You were a few years older than me so of course I was nervous, even though I had no intentions of ever starting anything with you. But I went over to your house where we hung out. I didn’t think you could ever like someone like ME.. but somehow that one night turned into the way I would revolve the rest of my life.

    I’ve dated a lot of guys before. Nothing too serious, just the occasional middle school relationships that came and went. But then you came along. My first serious relationship. My first love. We dated and things moved quickly. I knew you weren’t just trying to get with a younger girl for sexual reasons, because you were a virgin. We met each other’s families in which we were both really close with. We never, ever fought. We did things together almost everyday of the week and talked non-stop. You were the sweetest, cutest, most caring person I could have ever asked for. But then you cheated on me. That’s when I realized I was actually IN love with you. When I wasn’t jealous of the girl, when I instantly forgave you. Yes, I forgave you for kissing another girl, not because I was stupid and just didn’t want to lose you, but because I was in love with you. In love there is forgiveness.
    Things started to change. I could tell from the way you looked at me. From the way you talked to me. I knew things were falling apart.. but I had no reasons why. Eventually you ended it. I spent days and weeks crying. You were STILL always there for me. We would still talk quite often. I would force myself to move on. Force myself to like other guys all in hopes of getting over you. Eventually the talking slowed down and eventually stopped. I still always missed you.

    One day, nothing seemed to go right. We hadn’t talked in months. I got a text from you asking if everything was alright. It was as if you knew. I got the same butterflies everything you texted me. We began hanging out again after talking and things seemed to go back to normal. But they weren’t. You played me. A lot. I could never be mad at you for that because I accepted it. This time I was dumb for believing your every lie.

    Eventually I got over you. But every time you came back I could love you all over again. Everything always seemed normal and being with you would draw me back to the things I remembered. This went on for years. On and off again. Your feelings were never as consistent as mine.
    Recently, however, I realized I am over you. You could kiss a girl in front of my face and I wouldn’t feel a thing. Not in a bad way. It feels good not to be in pain. You’re still my best friend. Not like most best friends. I just want you to know I do care about you. And as a caring friend, I want you to go back to how you were. Not because I miss it, but because it’s better for you. The boy you were then was.. enchanting. I loved him.

    We always went back to each other. Sometimes I think you’re still trying.. and I wish I still wanted to.

    In the beginning I never had intentions of being more than friends.
    But I fell in love with you.

    In the I have no intentions of being more than friends..

    Maybe it’s just a new beginning with you.

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    One Response to Beginning Again?

    1. C
      November 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

      I swear I could have written this. Same exact situation. Older high school boy, first love I’ve had, cheated on me, we stayed together, everything fell apart. Except we are not friends. More like strangers



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