• What I meant to say was…

    by  • November 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    This is to the only man I’ve never been able to let go of. The only man that has ever managed to root in my heart even after it was over.

    I loved when you sang to me, I remember every single time you picked up your guitar. That one night in your room when you were afraid of losing me, your songs are what made up my mind. They showed me your love for me when you still couldn’t say it right.

    Your smile is still the best smile I have ever seen, and no not because of your teeth. I can’t erase it from my mind, it’s the first thing I picture when I think of you and as other details fade it remains the same. I am not talking about your goofy smile, the one you wear when you’re playin’ around, I’m talking about the real smile. The one meant for me. The one I know you’ve probably given to another by now.

    I never wanted to fix you, even though maybe that’s what you thought I was after. I only ever wanted to be there with you while you fixed yourself, to be someone for you to lean on because I know how many people lean upon you. I wanted to help you see yourself the way I saw you, strong, handsome, intelligent, brave, loyal, fierce, sexy as all get out, and sweet.

    Every time I hear that country song “Honeybee” I think of you. You were the only one who cared about protecting me, cause we know I didn’t care about it. You are the only one I can think of that would ever help me if someone hurt me. I’m sorry I didn’t let you hurt him for what he did to me, I didn’t let you protect me, I let him get away with it.

    And last of all I love you. I always have and I always will. I will always want to be your sunny day and have you as my shade tree. I will never forget swinging on the tire swing so late at night, you sharing some of your secrets with me, how easy it was for you to throw me onto the bed, how you held me when I was sad, and loved me even when I couldn’t say it back. I love you and miss you, and I sincerely hope that you have found happiness and well being in your life. Please don’t forget me, even if we never meet again.

    And secretly, I am really hoping you do read this and know it’s me, so you’ll have read all the things I meant to say.

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