• Should have known better

    by  • November 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    I rember the first time I ever saw you, standing in front of me with her. I thought to myself what a picture of beauty with your amazing smile and flowing hair. I looked forward to your visits even if it was to see her. Never would I come between two people so I held my words. Then one day it was all gone, I’m not sure if y’all broke up or my job had caused to to move on. But I remember the night when we met again, seeing you there in the lights my heart was once again filled with same fluttery feelings from before. I had no clue a opprotunity was about to unfold for the jealousy from you talking to my best friend would end us up here. I worked myself up talking to you for a while till I felt confident you you would say yes and asked you out. My words failed me that night rambled and studdered, I was damn nervous. From there we spoke and hung out and I slowly fell in love we seemed unstoppable speaking of marriage, children, and every thing involved. I knew we were moving way too fast, but the way we were when we were together seemed so strong and like it would always last.

    Until you one day just seemed to turn it off and walk away! There were so many questions with no answers, just that it wasn’t what you wanted after all and I could not see how you could just walk away. I could see in your eyes that we booth were in love. I was so confused knowing how we spoke to one another about all the things we love. I begged you not to do it, and tried to make you see, but you just shut me out and walked away from me.

    For months I had moved on, came to terms with you as just my friend, had you back when you were hurt, thinking the whole time of what could have been. I had moved on to a woman who loved me beyond what I deserved. We were havering our problems so where did I turn. To the same friend that once needed my support but insted you offered me your heart. I had longed for so long to see your face but had avoided everywhere you hung so she wouldn’t see the way I looked at you, with such love and pain in my face.

    Love hardly ever gets a second chance and you had never been so sure. Even asking for forgiveness and another chance at us must have been so hard for you, but you were so clear. So head first I jumped out of ones arms and into yours!

    This was so different so much more intence, the conversations we had, our warm embraces, your quivering kiss. It felt so much stronger this time, the things you said sounded so clear. The letter, the words, the whispers in my ear. We were so into eachother and you had never said before that you were in love with me. My heart shook to hear it this time! All the adoring I love yous and I’m the best thing to ever happen. How amazing I am and lucky you are and you will never let me gos. I was so unbelievably happy, told all my friends you had changed! It seemed so clear to everyone they even said they could see the way you felt by how you looked at me.

    Then once again out of the clear blue sky….I get “you deserve so much better, someone who can give you more of their time, someone who’s heart is completly there, I do love you that’s why I’m doing this..I just think your much better off without me there”
    Once again completly sucked in so much deeper than before. So blinded by love that I should have known better!

    The sad thing is, is that I know how much you care! I know I’m the best thing for you, I have the patients to care. I know you love me I can see it in your eyes!! I just don’t understand why you would deny yourself something so amazing knowing I refuse to go through this with you ever again.

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