I’m a closet romantic, and I always try to keep my heart open because you never know when you’re going to meet “the one”.
Why didn’t I do that with you?
You’d think that after three years it would hit me…well it did. Just five months too late.
There was the time, that summer going into freshman year. I had just broken up with my boy friend while at camp, you were actually there when I wrote the letter, but i didn’t get with you because I didn’t want to be “attached.”
Fast forward a year later, it’s the summer going into sophomore year and I got mad at you. We hooked up the night before, and you “didn’t talk to me the next day” until that night when you wanted to hook up again…I didn’t let you. Then I met him and you were out the window.
Then this past summer, I switched sessions because a lot of my normal friends weren’t going second session like normal, I did it for all of them (which included you) and nothing. We barely talked.
But let’s face the facts. It’s always been you.
That first summer when I wouldn’t get with you because I didn’t want to be attached? Too late. Little did I know I had broken up with you boyfriend for you. Then that next summer? You talked to me, I was just too stupid to realize. I think my heart was realizing how in love with you I was before my brain did. So i pushed you away and found another boy, and you let me. And then this summer, who was I kidding, I did it for you. You were the only reason I went first session. And we barely talked, barely hung out. You hooked up with two other girls, they were the exact opposite of me too. So ouch.
But I deserve it. I deserve the humiliating side-on rejection. I deserve the not talking and the awkward texts. I deserve the heart ache knowing that you’re done with me. I’ve matured a lot since the summer going into sophomore year, but I get it. I was stupid. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I never gave you a chance. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much I loved you. How i still love you. Yeah, I love you. And I probably always will. Because I’m 99 percent positive that you’re the one. But you know what they say about karma. I can only wish that I’ll see you again, and maybe, you’ll give me another chance. But till then I’m sorry.