I have NEVER in my life felt so shattered, so incomplete, so confused. And it all happened so quickly. You made me feel so amazing when I was the first person you wanted to see last night when you surprised us all, but then she put her hand under your shirt on your waist and I knew what was going on. It was in that second that I literally felt my heart drop, and like glass, there were a million little pieces. Now i’m sitting here all alone in my big, cold house not sure what to do or how to tell myself to move on. I am in physical pain. It feels like someone is twisting my heart. I didn’t even know you could suffer physical pain from heartache. And the worst part of all of this is that you don’t even know I have feelings for you. But even if you did, would it change things? or just make our friendship awkward? I feel so pathetic… I am too old for secret crushes, but what am I supposed to do, when you are part of a big group of friends? I would never want to jeopardize that. And above all we live 3 hours apart… it is not even a practical situation. The logic in me knows this is crazy and impractical but it cant seem to convince my heart. I know I will heal and move on, I just hope its soon cuz I also don’t want to lose having you in my life… you are one of the greatest friends I have ever had. So Ill let myself cry today and tomorrow I need to move on. There is someone out there for all of us.