• Take Me As I Am

    by  • November 26, 2011 • Trust • 2 Comments

    You sat me down and asked me why I didn’t trust you as I held back tears. You persisted to pester me until I gave you an answer; well I don’t have an answer. I’ve never trusted anyone because when I do I get hurt. Everyone has ALWAYS left, no one has ever given me a reason to trust them. Therefore, I lock myself away from everyone – I keep everyone at a distance and refuse to put my trust in anyone. I’m sick of getting hurt, I’m sick of everyone walking out on me. The one person I should have been able to put complete trust is totally fucked me over and has never been there for me – real good model. You say I need help yet you don’t understand I do this one purpose, I don’t want people to get that close to me. Majority of my relationships have failed because of the diminished trust after awhile and the one that didn’t fail because of trust – I later found out I had been cheated on (not once, but twice). THERE GOES THAT. I don’t have any self confidence left, I don’t know who I am anymore and I hate that. SO FUCKING MUCH. I wish I could turn back the hands of time but sadly I can’t and so I just have to accept this is who I am. I have to learn to look in the mirror and like the person staring back at me because somehow I’ve forgotten how to do that. When we go out and I watch your wandering eyes I can’t help but lose faith in you – because I am set on believing you will find someone better. You have blatantly lied to my face OVER THE STUPIDEST THINGS and yet you get caught every time..another reason I refuse to trust anyone – everyone is a fucking liar. I don’t know what to say to you. I am prone to believe everyone is going to fuck me over sooner or later because that is all I have ever known to be true. One day you’ll get sick of me and walk out too. I wish I could put trust into everyone and see the good in everyone yet I can’t do that – I am slowly realizing the only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself. So I’ll swallow my pride and bite my tongue as I smile along the way. I love you and I trust you as much as I am able to, I can’t promise you I will ever fully trust you and I can’t say that I will never question you again. But this is who I am and as much as I’d like to I can’t change that.

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    2 Responses to Take Me As I Am

    1. JJ
      November 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm

      and you wonder why you have problems?

      just because 1 person betrays your trust doesn’t mean you take it out on every human being you meet after that. that doesn’t make any sense. for all you know the person that did this to you was passing on the same “favor”. talk about endless cycle.

      life sucks. your feelings get hurt. I know mine have. Cry for 15 minutes and then get over it. the minute you start blabbing on about how this is some intrinsic part of you now forever and ever and how this why you treat people so badly is the minute you become an asshole like the person that did this to you. so grow the fuck up.


    2. w.
      November 27, 2011 at 7:34 am

      JJ, thank you. Your wise words could not be said any better. As we grow up, we hopefully gain perspective on the way we will be treated by others. Some even see darkness that others only know in nightmares…or by watching TV. I could’ve done with a little less ‘persective’ myself. But this remains the same…. You only have control over how you treat others. Nothing else. And we attract people in our lives accordingly!
      Be careful what you wish for… And I don’t mean those wishes in daydreams. Its the ones we act on that get a say.



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