You sat me down and asked me why I didn’t trust you as I held back tears. You persisted to pester me until I gave you an answer; well I don’t have an answer. I’ve never trusted anyone because when I do I get hurt. Everyone has ALWAYS left, no one has ever given me a reason to trust them. Therefore, I lock myself away from everyone – I keep everyone at a distance and refuse to put my trust in anyone. I’m sick of getting hurt, I’m sick of everyone walking out on me. The one person I should have been able to put complete trust is totally fucked me over and has never been there for me – real good model. You say I need help yet you don’t understand I do this one purpose, I don’t want people to get that close to me. Majority of my relationships have failed because of the diminished trust after awhile and the one that didn’t fail because of trust – I later found out I had been cheated on (not once, but twice). THERE GOES THAT. I don’t have any self confidence left, I don’t know who I am anymore and I hate that. SO FUCKING MUCH. I wish I could turn back the hands of time but sadly I can’t and so I just have to accept this is who I am. I have to learn to look in the mirror and like the person staring back at me because somehow I’ve forgotten how to do that. When we go out and I watch your wandering eyes I can’t help but lose faith in you – because I am set on believing you will find someone better. You have blatantly lied to my face OVER THE STUPIDEST THINGS and yet you get caught every time..another reason I refuse to trust anyone – everyone is a fucking liar. I don’t know what to say to you. I am prone to believe everyone is going to fuck me over sooner or later because that is all I have ever known to be true. One day you’ll get sick of me and walk out too. I wish I could put trust into everyone and see the good in everyone yet I can’t do that – I am slowly realizing the only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself. So I’ll swallow my pride and bite my tongue as I smile along the way. I love you and I trust you as much as I am able to, I can’t promise you I will ever fully trust you and I can’t say that I will never question you again. But this is who I am and as much as I’d like to I can’t change that.