• Do you have the right tools to fix me?

    by  • November 26, 2011 • Thoughts • 0 Comments

    Madness,

    I made you cry last night… Apparently that’s not the first time either. I’m so sorry I really am. I didn’t think I was hurting you. You said you cry cause you can’t figure out what it is I want or how to make me happy. We fight a lot, I’m always angry. Yesterday I walked out on you. I was leaving you. I went to open my car door and you wouldn’t move your hand. I said I’ll walk then. You chased me down and when you grabbed my arm I yelled at you not to touch me, I’ve said that to you a lot. It took so much for me not to cry. When I tried to get back to my car you wouldn’t let me, you grabbed me and held on to me even though I fought and push and pulled away yelling at you. You said you weren’t gonna let me leave. You told me that you cared. You said a lot of things but all I remember is what happened later. When I was telling you to leave. You just stared at me and I said “What?! I’m not gonna chase you.” You looked saddened by that. (I’m surprised cause you never show emotion, you don’t really have any) You left and I sat on my bed telling my self not to chase after you. I ended up hoping in my car just so I could drive you home. I yelled at you to get in the car. It was cold and dark. I told you I was taking you home and you said you weren’t going home. We ended up behind the Theater and that’s when I heard you crying, never saw a tear though. That’s when I found out how much I hurt you all the time. I’m so sorry I really am. We made a promise last night, I promised I’d never leave you if you never left me. Sure we don’t know what we are to each other, Friends or more, but we want each other around.

    You said you didn’t know what we were and that I said we were friends, Maybe I want more. I’ve thought about it. Then later when joking you said you didn’t want a relationship, I was actually a little upset. Then at my house at the end of the night when we finally made up, you said something about being with me and i joked “oh your with me now!?” you laughed and said “Do you not want me to be with you?” I may have misunderstood but I replied “I don’t know, I’ve thought about it.” Now that I think about it I’m sure you meant ‘with me here and now’ not “with me as together’. It’s ok, at least now you know it’s been on my mind. I’m hoping things get easier, but it doesn’t seem like it.

    You called said to me “You’re a broken girl, that I want to fix.” something along those lines. Best of luck with that. I am trying and I am so sorry Mikey, I’m so so so sorry.

    – Your Broken Girl.

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