I never understood the severity of the pain from being betrayed, because I was fortunate enough not to have ever experienced it, or so I thought.
Two days ago, I found out my boyfriend of a year and a half cheated on me, on his birthday, with some girl he worked with.
Thinking back on it, it all makes sense now. That was just around the time he started accusing me of cheating, and when our relationship started falling apart.
It’s been almost a year since we’ve broken up, but this news still felt like a bullet to my heart, I still loved him with everything I had when it happened. He was my whole world, and knowing now that it was all a lie is devastating.
I already had a fear of getting involved with someone because of you, and now I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready again.
I wish you knew the pain you’ve inflicted on me. Although I would never wish this agony on anyone, I wish you could feel this empty hole in your chest like I do. I wish you were the one who can’t help but hesitate when sensing the slightest bit of emotion for someone. I wish you were the one lying awake at night regretting ever knowing you. I wish that you were the one that was afraid.
I know some day I’ll find someone who understands me, someone who will appreciate me. I know I’m nowhere near ready to get involved with anyone, but when the time comes I hope you know that I’m going to look back on you and feel sad. Sad for you. Sad because I will have found someone amazing, while you will never be anything more than a possessive, jealous, abusive, unfaithful disgrace of a man. I pity the girl who falls for your act.
I’d say this to you in person, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to hold back my rage. So here’s to you, my biggest regret.
Burn in hell.