I hate you.
I hate you because I still love you. I’m married to another man and I STILL love you. How did you do this to me, and why?
I probably shouldn’t say this, but I still think about you sometimes. I want to know what you are doing these days. I want to know who you are with.
You put me through hell and back. My life was a downward spiral when we were together. I still remember that time you asked me if I wanted to have dinner with you because it was going to be your last meal before you killed yourself. Why would you say that to me? You knew that I loved you and that I would rescue you.
You are the biggest liar I know. Some of the things you’ve lied to me about are beyond bizzare. I just wanted the truth. I never cared about the interesting things you did in your life (which turned out to be lies), I just wanted to be with you.
Hey, remember that one time you told me you had surgery but really didn’t?
What about that time that girl told me you cheated on me and I asked you about it and then you texted her and told her not to say anything to me? What was going through your head? Why would you do that to me?
The thing that absolutely sucks about this whole situation is that even though our entire relationship was a joke and you did nothing but lie to me and sabotage us, I STILL LOVE YOU.
That is why I hate you. I have an amazing husband and two amazing children and yet, I think about you often. I wonder what my life with you would have been like. Where would we be living? Would we have any kids? Would I have ever graduated from college with a degree in psychology?
I dream about you so much. It has been 2 years now, and I still can’t get you off of my mind. I don’t know what I would do right now if I saw you. I honestly think I would run away and hide.
Just know that I still think about you. You have a hold on me that I would never admit to anyone. I want to let you go completely after everything you did to me, but I just don’t know how.
Do you ever think of me?