You silly silly boy. I don’t understand us half the time. I want to be oh so much more. I want to be oh so much less. I can’t stand being hurt by you very much, I’m in tears because of you more times than you’ll ever know. I cry and wish for your arms around me to comfort me. I contemplate life without me and desperately hope that you’ll save me. I feel oh so terrible for making you do things you don’t wish to do, why would you want to spend so much time with me except to appease my silly foolish wants? I’ve told you my past, my failings, my jealousy, my love my heart myunknownmynevergoingtobethesameeveragain. You pulled me up from depths I didn’t know I was in. I light up when I hear your name, your voice, when I see your smile or your name lighting up my phone. You were every single first I could give. Every single last one. Yet I will always be second. No matter the amount of times you tell me I’m one of your closest friends, I will always be the dirty dirty little secret. I will never truly see the light of day. All because of her and you and me and us and nothing and nevermore.
I should be able to walk away. I should be able to hate you. I should, I should I should. Yet I can’t. I can’t. I love you far too much to ever hate you, no matter how much I should. But what is should? Only what they tell us to believe. I choose to see the light you give me, the joy I feel when we hug, we kiss, we become more than we ever should. That is what I see. I see the bad and I know I should run. But I promised. I promised and that means more to me than anything you’ll ever throw my way. Just because you cannot love me does not mean that you don’t deserve to be loved.