dear boy that i want so much to be with,
ever since i met you i was attracted to you. now i normally have trouble differentiating between liking someone and being attracted to someone. but with you, i knew i was just attracted to you, and that i wanted to get to know you.
i met you the night of your school’s homecoming, i was going with a guy i had put in the friends zone. we were at dinner in the home of people i didn’t know, i was with my best friend and it was pretty awkward. being two girls that knew no one. i was sitting near you, and we started talking. you too play lacrosse. which to me is a complete turn on. i couldn’t help but be more attracted to you. i wanted to be around you more, but of course you had a date. she i’m sorry to say was clearly not into you and i’m almost positive only said yes because she didn’t want things to get awkward.
after dinner when we got to the dance all i wanted to do was dance with you. only for a second. but of course, my date wouldn’t leave me alone. clearly just being friends he wasn’t really into. and i didn’t like it at all. i tried my best to get away from him but it was like i was on his flipping gps. most annoying thing in the world. and the worst part was is that you kept staring at me. whether it was at me directly or at my body i’m not sure. but it made me get that tingly feeling inside. all i wanted was for you to notice me the way i had noticed you. to have the feeling of just wanting to feel me moving against you. i’m not sure what you were feeling. but i know what i was.
i didn’t get to dance with you that night. and i was pretty sure i wouldn’t end up talking to you again after that. but i thought about you all the time. unstoppable. i’d be sitting in school and couldn’t help but think what would’ve happened if i had given you my number? would we be talking? could we have hung out? i didn’t know but i had no chance now.
our high schools had their football game against each other and i saw you. i can’t even begin to tell you how excited i became. normally i’m very nervous. but i walked right up to you and said hi. bravest moment of my life. the best part of it was your face. it lit up when i came over. and you remembered me. i had barely talked to you and you just looked so happy you knew exactly who i was. it made me so happy. unbelievably happy. i couldn’t stop talking to you. we just talked and talked and then when i had to go i gave you my number and you promised to text me every day.
you never texted me.
two weeks later. we had the play off game. i saw you and you lit up again. you walked right up to me and gave me a hug. the kind when you wrap your arms around my waist and just held me so tight. i felt safe there. that night i was with the guy from homecoming again.
i knew that if you had texted or called me. i’d have been there with you. but i wasn’t. and it hurt. i had butterflies around you but with him it felt unhappy and gross. that night i was threatened because of the other guy. he was too scared to be around me. but you, you were there with me the whole game. you stayed close to me and made me feel safe. i knew that if i was beat up, you would protect me even if it meant you’d be beat up. but i felt so good around you. felt like i was really cared about and like nothing would go wrong.
but when he came back over. you backed off and realized how it wasn’t your place to protect me it was his. but oh how wrong you were. i wanted you to put your arms around me, for you to hold me tight, hold my hand and never let me go. to tell me you loved me and for at the end of the night for you to kiss me, not an overbearing one, but the kind that is filled with love and lets me know that your there and there to stay. with me, forever.
i texted you all night and for the rest of the weekend. we planned to hang out and did some harmless flirting. then he hurt me, the other guy. and i was hurt. i’d been hurt before, and when a girl is hurt, all past emotions from other things come up and all they can do is cry. i cried. i’ve cried. every day for a week. that night i told you i didn’t like him anymore and you told me you liked me.
i lit up. i cried., but happy tears this time. i knew we could be together, and i wanted to be so bad. i told you i liked you to. but you said because of him it wouldn’t work out. he had told me he was over me and to hop off. you apologized for him hurting me but said he was still a good friend and everything would be okay. all my friends said nothing was holding you back and if you really cared about me you would do something. i do believe that you should do something but not that you can’t. you can do it if you really care for me. you went to the beach saturday, promised to call me sunday night.
you never called.
and i am scared you will never call.
i can’t be alone forever.
i know one day some boy will come along sweep me off my feet and take away my heart. and i hope that that time it will be permanent, because quite honestly, i cant cry anymore. you think i woudlnt have the ability to cry anymore but i do, and i will.
i hope that one day you realize that i am sitting here waiting for you to tell me you love me and that you will never let me go.
funniest part, you already have told me you loved me multiple times.
i want you to mean it next time. to spell it out.
please pick me over him. all i want is to be happy. and to feel loved. and i want it from you.
because i want someone to love me and make it clear. i hope one day that i find a guy worth my tears, because when i do, he wont try to make me cry.
the girl who wants you.