• Never been pretty

    by  • November 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Resentment • 0 Comments

    Dear Nathan,

    I just let all my anger out on a letter that is probably never going to get published on here because of how much information it had. But I had to do it, I had to let it all out because I really had to and I don’t know how else I can.

    I don’t wanna start drama with her because of something that happened so long ago, everyone would think I’m just some crazy girl and I don’t want them to say that to you and me. I’m not crazy I’m special, I’m one of the few women who still find that their virginity is like a treasure. That a body is something special and a physical relationship with someone isn’t just something that doesn’t mean anything but something that means the world and that you wanna share it with just one special person.

    I loved you- I love you. And I told you how important it was to me, and you told me that I was the only one you had ever been comfortable with, but it was a lie. If that was true, you would have never taken those pictures with her, what happened there I always wonder at least once a day because it’s something so scary and uncomfortable for me, because I have never had these experiences with anyone else but you yet youve had them with this person you say you didn’t even love and that hurts. It really hurts me when people throw around something special like a treasure and give it to people who don’t even love them. And that you introduced me to her haunts me even more, and that I had that really bad intuition feeling when I met her…but I stayed there and let you talk to her because I trusted you…

    How can you do that? That’s probably the part that hurts the most… How can you have let me met her when I told you about my important treasure….I gave you everything, I woke up early in the morning to go to the hospital with you, I care for your sister like she was my own and help her with her homework…and you… Not only did you think it’s okay for me to meet such an awful girl , you talk to me about her…tell me stories about her about how she got married, about how you helped her move, about how her parents taught you how to cook French toast and how you and your best friend fought over her in high school. Nobody ever fought over me in high school, guys made fun of me because I was the weird shy girl. How can the weird shy girl compete with the hot girl that made best friends fight ? My life isn’t a movie so that just doesnt happen.

    Many times you have told me that you know what you did wasn’t right and that you love me. I believe you. I love you. But it doesn’t change the fact that youve wounded my heart, and that now, I have to try twice as hard to love you the same way, because my wounds ache every time something reminds me of that pain.

    You’ve done so much things that have hurt me, when we first met, you had a friend who was a stripper and asked me if I’d go to one of her shows with you, you checked out a waitress when I was there and a couple of japanese girls, more than that, you commented on it, you watched things you shouldn’t have when we were going through rough times, you kept talking about exes …yet I could see inside you, I could see you love me and that you wanted to change but didn’t know how…

    And now you’ve changed so much and it makes me happy that you understand , and I am sorry that the past wounds me so bad, but you gotta understand, when you haven’t been the pretty girl, it’s hard to believe that a guy is willing to love you, change for you, and be there for you no matter what.

    P.s: I love you and I’m trying really hard…

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