• I’m Thankful for You

    by  • November 23, 2011 • Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Dear C.W.,

    I know this will contradict some of the things I’ve said in my last LINS (“because you’re worth it :]”), but I just wanted to say that despite all of the confusion and emotional distress we seem to have been giving each other, almost every thought and memory I have of you makes me smile.

    Even typing this does as I know you were the one that exposed me to this website, and we opened up to each other in our late-night text marathons about issues we’ve only shared with a couple others.

    I know we probably need some time apart, to realize if we really do even like each other this much or if we’re just going through motions, but I can’t help but see you everywhere I go.

    I know it sounds lame, but even your Facebook posts make me smile, I have to try not to “like” them even though I know I do, because we are so alike. The recent picture of you and your Mom is really cute btw, no matter what I’ve said in previous LINS about her, she is your Mom and I will always respect that, my previous letter was just getting all the things I’ve ever wanted to say out.

    The Unplugged Nirvana tape I told you I had, which I just found again underneath some books on my shelf.

    Stumbling on StumbleUpon after not using it in forever because it reminds of the time we used yours that one time.

    I am so sorry I am like this, I never expected you to have this much of an impact on me and it makes me uncomfortable that my moods are so dependent on another person I haven’t known for a full year!

    I’m reading some books now that are helping me understand “us” and I think you would like them too. I can leave them at your door if you like after we return from break.

    So. You know my concerns about some things you do, and I don’t feel like harping on them anymore. Your choices will always be your choices. I just wish that if you have problems with me or things you think I’m fucking up on, you will tell me.

    You can do it on here if that’s more comfortable with you because I’ve kind of come to the realization that we probably shouldn’t meet or talk directly until next year after all the drama we’ve caused each other.

    I don’t know where we’re going C.W., or where we’ll end up, but I can’t help thinking that we’re supposed to have a connection of some kind, for the rest of our lives. I just need to let go of us for a moment so I don’t lose myself, and I hope you feel the same way too.

    Love always, whether you believe it or not,
    T.E.

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