This is really hard for me. Always missing you, even though I shouldn’t. Long were the days when we’re still together, hand-in-hand, leading to forever. But now, those things are slowly fading away. I’m not consciously running away from you, but it’s as if my body is automatically moving towards another direction whenever you’re coming near. I hate it. I was the one who instituted this “Let’s stop this nonsense” thing but I just can’t take it. I really miss you. I really miss those days..
I miss how you hate it when I stare at you. You’ll look the other way ’cause you’re getting very conscious. I miss how you sit there next to me, just to play some jokes or whatsoever. I miss how you call my name with that deep voice of yours. I miss how you borrow my notes and ask me to explain them to you. I miss how you keep telling me that I have a bad handwriting but still rely on my notes and you don’t even bother borrowing from our other classmates. I miss how you always wanted to be with me in the library. I try my best to teach you, but you’re only focusing on how I say things instead of listening carefully to what I’m saying.. I miss how you wear your earphones, listen to music, and sing loudly beside me. I miss the times when you pretend not to hear me just to freak me out. I miss how you loved hearing my voice. I love it when you call me in the middle of he night just to say nonsense things. I loved it when you transferred my recorded singing voice on your phone so you can hear me from time to time. I miss how you call me ‘noisy’ but later on, you’ll laugh with me. I miss those times when you argue with me on the counter of a fast food chain and pay for my bills instead. I miss being sick ’cause you’re always there taking care and buying medicine for me. I love it when you scold me whenever I force myself to do something very difficult then instead, you’ll do it for me. I miss the times when you walk me home. I miss how you walk with your hands in your pocket. I miss how you pretend that the hallway is overcrowded so you can stick to me when in fact, we’re walking in a wide passageway. I miss you walking with me when it is raining. I miss how you hold the umbrella for me. I miss how you hold my arms during those times. I miss the moments when you act like I’m invisible because I did something wrong and you don’t want to talk to me. But then, you’ll end up saying sorry to me instead. I miss the early morning heart-to-heart talks before our MWF classes. We would sit on the floor outside the room and just say anything we wanted to say to each other. I miss how you get jealous when I talk with another guy. I miss you being sad when I pay less attention on you and much to others. I love it when you keep even the smallest things I give you. I miss your corny jokes and how you make me laugh hysterically. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss how you missed me. I miss being with you and sharing a million, sweet, cute, and funny moments together. I miss your tears. And I also miss my tears on your shoulders.
Isn’t it funny? I should’t be like this ’cause I am really the one who’s running away “unconsciously”. And you know why so you shouldn’t ask anymore why I’m like this. Understand me please. It really kills me to be “bestfriends” with someone whom I’ve fallen in love with. Yes, I loved you more than a friend ever since, and it pains me so much laughing with you when all I really want to be is her, the one you love. How I wished I was her and you were mine.
But I think I can make it now. Just give me time and help me out. I know I’m strong enough to get over you. I’m sorry my bestfriend. I’m leaving you again. But this’ll be for the better. I with the best for you two..