To The Man Who Has My Heart,
You’ve had my heart from the very start. When we first began talk, we started out as friends. We could tell each other everything and I was there for you when you were hurt by her. She didn’t treat you the way you deserve, you and I both know that. We talked more and more. After a bit, we began to see each other differently. We became Us. You&I. That’s what we were.
Like I said, you have my heart. It already had a few cracks in the beginning because I’ve been hurt before and you knew that, but you put those pieces together. I thought you were different. I thought maybe we could last forever. I was prepared for that. You made me believe in myself and gave me this insane feeling I have never felt before. I had never felt this way for anyone else, not even him. You called me beautiful, and I finally believed I was. I hadn’t felt beautiful in such a long time, but you let me believe and I thank you for that. You called me baby and you made me feel so loved. You held me and brought me up higher.
I thank you for all those memories, they were all so good. Do you remember them as much as I do? Do you even care about it all? I will never forget those times you’ve held my hand, held me, made me feel like I was finally special, told me you loved me, walked with me, and everything else. Did you mean any of it?
You have my heart, now look it. In pieces. You’ve broken me. That smile you see? Yeah, it’s forced and fake. I can’t smile and mean it knowing that I can’t have you. That shine in my eyes? Gone. You took it away. It won’t be back unless you are with me or I find someone better, which I doubt because you are my perfect. You promised me you would never hurt me, but look where we are now. I’m hurt more than I’ve ever been hurt before.
What did you do? You brought me up, acted like everything was fine, then all of a sudden told me you didn’t want to be tied down to me. You miss me, I know this to be true. You still like me, and I know it’s to a great extent. You care about me and don’t want to see me get hurt. You told me I’m perfect and you can’t stand to see me hurt. You told me I’m too good for you, that you don’t deserve me. Are all these true or are they lies that you’re feeding me? If they were true, you would have never let me go. You still believe you could somehow make us work. We all know that it won’t. You love me, but you can’t bring yourself to be with me. You want to be more than friends, but I believe that would hurt me too much. To be friends with you would also bring me pain, but this is what you and I feel would be best. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I can’t wait for you to change your mind about us, if we continue what we are, you’d be hurting me. I can’t stay with you knowing that you can never be serious about me. One day, you might realize the mistake you made. It might be too late. I won’t be able to trust you as much as I used to. I’d be paranoid. Would you be willing to commit or would this just be another time I’ll get hurt? I don’t know. You’d have to prove yourself.
I hate myself now. Why? Because I can’t bring myself to hate you or be mad. I know you’re not a bad guy, you’re my perfect. If you find someone else, you’d break my heart even more. Please don’t hurt me.
Want to know the worst part of it all? I think I might have started to fall in love with you. Real, genuine, you are my everything love. So all these saying you still want to be with me but I know you don’t want to be serious, it hurts. You’re making it so much worse for me, because I know I can’t really have you. My friends say you look at me, please stop. It hurts. If you want me, make it clear. Don’t lead me on. But I thank you, for being different, you respected me, you were and still are special. “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.” ~Adele
The Girl You Still Wants You