• So That’s It Huh?

    by  • November 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    It’s weird I spent three months obsessing over you. Missing you. Wishing you were still with me. Three long long months. Three months of pain, of crying of hurt. Three months of depression. Then there was this weekend where everything reached its climax. My emotions over-loaded. And I can believe it, but now they are gone. It feels weird. Empty. For the first time in a long time I don’t want you. Like I do but I don’t. I want you because I don’t know anything else. But at the same time, I don’t really want to date you. I just want you as a friend. I said I love you talking on the phone and it didn’t feel right. Not how I was trying to say it. It felt fake and forced. It’s this weird release. Like I was saying it to a good friend. I don’t want to stop loving you because we have had so many good times together. And it feels so right when I’m around you. I am afraid of loosing that. Thats why I want to talk to you in person. To see if it is just a temporary thing from not seeing you before I say anything. But I feel like this isn’t temporary. I am pretty sure I’m over you. It feels like my last breakup. I will keep thinking of you and things will remind me of you because you were such a large part of my life. But I don’t and won’t want you back. And god this is so freeing. I am sorry for how I acted the last couple months that isn’t like me. I don’t know where it came from. I hate how I’ve acted and I don’t know why I acted like that. I am disappointed in myself. And I am sorry I came off as crazy. You don’t deserve that. My emotions have evened out I can feel it. I will still go to a therapist for you. But I am going to be ok.

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